If it's positive, awesome! We're having a baby. I wanna name it Frisbee. If it's negative, awesome. We're not gonna fight about the name Frisbee, and we get disco fries for breakfast, because we're sad.


Why are my arms so weak? It's like I did that pushup last year for nothing!


I would slap you if I didn't think it would lead to a kiss.


I brought you back from the dead, and revived your career.


Delightful Charlie Chaplin. You have the mustache and everything.


Deviousness? I guess two can play at that game. Just like most games.


Shut up, Pete. There's no hope. Not for you or for this country. If Joni Mitchell were here, she'd be like, 'The big man won't give peace a chance, the cobblestones, cobblestones.


Liz: How do you sleep at night, Jack?
Jack: I don't. I take thousands of micro-naps during the day.

You want to be an American. You fill out that ballot because you don't know what you're doing.


Let me tell you who we have. Craig T. Nelson, Chuck Norris, and Charlton Heston's skull. You'd be the only cool Republican.


Every pair you buy, they give a pair to a child who was forced to work in the factory that makes these shoes.


She's aging, mean, and rich. That sounds Republican to me.


30 Rock Quotes

Jenna: Jack, can we talk, one ten to another?
Jack: I'm an eleven, but continue.

I went to college in Boston. Well, not in Boston, but nearby. No, not Tufts!