Last time I taught I was like Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society, by which I mean I got fired.


I'd like to help but "I'm Afraid My Hands Are Tied" the only show anyone's watching on Twinks.


I'm doing God's work here in Africa. Why just yesterday I kicked two naked people out of a garden.


I just wanna wake up in the morning and look over at my husband asleep on our neighbor's roof.


I am extremely secure in my athleticism, my masculinity, and my rectal integrity.


Skelator's not my are.


I'm contractually obligated to pull out some bitch's weave eight more times this season.


Wait! You're seeing another psychic? I mean, I knew that.

Jenna's Psychic

Lynn: You live with your mother?
Frank: Yeah, otherwise who would wake me up for work?

Can my friend Cheese go with us on our honeymoon?


Dot Com: You were a switch hitter?
Jack: Switch hitter, pitcher, catcher. Whatever the boys needed.

Don't do impressions of other racists.


30 Rock Season 5 Quotes

Jenna: Jack, can we talk, one ten to another?
Jack: I'm an eleven, but continue.

I wanna roll my eyes right now, but the doctor said if I keep doing it my ocular muscles might spasm and eject my eyeballs.