Favorite Archer Quotes
Krieger: Coffee just like I like my women: black, bitter and preferably fair trade.
Archer: Oh my God! You killed a hooker!
Cyril: Call girl! She was a-
Archer: No Cyril, when they're dead they're just hookers!
Archer: Can you put it in a person's brain?
Krieger: It'd suffocate.
Archer: Not the rabbit, you idiot - the chip.
Krieger: Oh yes, absolutely.
Archer: Without killing the person?
Krieger: Oh... maybe?
Hmm. Cock flavored spit? Well you never know what's gonna be on the board! Let me see cock-flavored spit!
Lana: What's your third biggest fear?
Archer: Brain aneurysm.
Lana: What's a brain aneurysm have to do with walking around in a swamp?
Archer: Nothing, it can happen anywhere at anytime, that's what makes it so terrifying.
I am literally wet with jealousy.Lana
Who taught you to punch, your husband?Pam
Ouch, my earballs.Cheryl
Cheryl: You're not my supervisor!
Pam: Shut up! We're going to go to prison.
Cheryl: No, we're not. Say the right stuff and they just send you to a mental hospital for ten months.
Gilette: I just this second realize why you do macrame instead of knitting.
Cheryl: Yeah, no sharp weapons on the ward. They were really strict about that.
No no no no, like a big sweaty fireman carries you out of a burning building, lays you on the sidewalk and you think, yeah, ok he's going to give me mouth to mouth. Instead, he just starts choking the shit out of you, and the last sensation you feel before you die, is that he's squeezing your throat so hard that a big wet blob of drool drips off his teeth and just, plurp, falls right onto your popped out eye ball.Cheryl
Archer: Take the suits to my tailor and the shoes to my shoemaker.
Cyril: You have a shoemaker?
Archer: Do you not?
Ma, they done killed old Rando.