Malory: I need some more ice. Oh, and a small bowl, a mirror, a needle and thread, and a straight razor.
Lana: You're not emasculating Krieger!

Are you people paid by the word!?

Malory

We've got the whole Breakfast club in here. I'm Emilio Estevez, Cyril's obviously Anthony Michael Nerd. Mother, you're Paul Gleason, Krieger's the loose cannon Judd Nelson, and Lana, you're...

Lana: You think I'm Ally Sheedy?!
Cyril: Ally Sheedy would have been WAY more likely to get pregnant in High School.

Not you, you baboon-faced-baboon.

Calderon

Cherlene: Who the hell drilled my box?
Archer: So we're just done with phrasing, right, that's not a thing anymore?

Cyril: Why do we always have to share a room?
Ray: The sinister gay cabal, Cyril. You have fallen victim to the sinister gay cabal.

Apache! Helicopter! We should sell those, cause I'm rapper

Pam: Not without a bunch of garlic and some wooden stakes!
Krieger: They're clones, not vampires.
Pam: Doesn't matter to the stake!

Calm down, Colonel Panic.

Malory

Archer: In case you haven't noticed, this place is crawling with rebels.
Pam: And not the good kind you get drunk with at Myrtle Beach, and cruise the strip in the bed of their monster truck with a big rebel flag on it.

Pam: Now I feel like an asshole.
Malory: When do you not?
Pam: Almost always. I really like me!

Archer Quotes

Cyril: Why are you so scared of crocodiles?
Archer: Gee, I don't know, Cyril. Maybe deep down I'm afraid of any apex predator that lived through the K-T extinction. Physically unchanged for a hundred million years, because it's the perfect killing machine. A half ton of cold-blooded fury, the bite force of 20,000 Newtons, and stomach acid so strong it can dissolve bones and hoofs.

Cheryl: What the stupid shit are you doing??
Cyril: You said you wanted watermelon.
Cheryl: Watermelon's red?
Cyril: Yes. How do you not know that?
Cheryl: Who am I? Charles Frederick Andress?