Michael: (about George Michael) Well, I guess he really misses his family.
Lindsay: Well, he doesn't know us very well.
Michael: Yeah, clearly.

Gob: So what? Lindsay's been staying at the Four Seas for, like, a month- she's probably charging the company.
Michael: Lindsay's been in town for a month?
Gob: I don't think so.

Michael: What have we always said is the most important thing. What comes first?
George Michael: Breakfast.
Michael: Family.
George Michael: Family. Right. I thought you meant out of the things you eat.

Tobias recently lost his medical license for administering C.P.R. to a person who, as it turns out, was not having a heart attack.

Narrator

Lucille: If you're saying I play favorites, you're wrong. I love all my children equally.
(Earlier that day)
Lucille: I don't care for Gob.

Michael: Dad was always banker, so there was no beating him.
George Michael: He should have been stocking up on those "get out of jail free" cards.

Look what they've done, Michael. Look what the homosexuals have done to me.

Lucille

Unbelievable. Sounds like you saved enough skin to make 10 new boys.

Michael

I'd rather be dead in California than alive in Arizona.

Lucille

Michael: So ... this is the magic trick, huh?
Gob: "Illusion," Michael. A "trick" is something a whore does for money. (Michael points out that a bunch of kids are staring at Gob with their mouths open) ... Or candy!

Maeby: Um, yeah, I bought a frozen banana, and when I bit into it, I found this.
George Michael: It looks like a foot.
Maeby: It tasted like a foot. Which I didn't really mind, but I'm pretty sure I said "no nuts".

Then, mistaking a group of garishly dressed men for pirates, Tobias boarded a van full of homosexuals.

Narrator

Arrested Development Quotes

Maeby: Do you guys know where I can get one of those gold necklaces with a "T" on it?
Michael: That's a cross.
Maeby: Across from where?

(to a waiter) Take it back. If I wanted something your thumb touched, I'd eat the inside of your ear.

Lucille