Better Off Ted Quotes
Veronica: Here, I bought you some briefs. The boxers you were wearing didn't highlight your assets. Penis-ly speaking.
Ted: Thank you
Ted: And so, if the company keeps hiring white people to follow black people to follow white people to follow black people, by...
Lem: Thursday, June 27, 2013.
Ted: ...every person on Earth will be working for us. And we don't have the parking for that
"Money before people," that's the company motto. Engraved on the lobby floor. It just looks more heroic in Latin
Veronica
Ted: Listen, you're not, uh, you know...
Veronica: What, Ted? Embarrassed? Upset? Disappointed? Itchy? Hungry? Earning twice your salary? Don't worry, I'm not any of those things. Maybe a little hungry. Plus, the salary thing
If we did this, it would be fun. I mean, it always is with me. I'm not bragging, it just is
Veronica [turning down sex with Ted]
When you stand up for yourself, you get things done. I learned that the first time I sent back undercooked chicken at a restaurant. Sure, I ended up paying for two chickens...
Phil
Well, I'm different than other women, Ted, and by different, I mean better.
Veronica
My door is always open to you. Please, close it on the way out
Veronica
Veronica: I know what it's like to see the ugly face of discrimination.
Lem: You do?
Veronica: Yes, I do. When I was 16, I was 5'9" and stunning. I mean, off-the charts gorgeous. At school, I was like a swan among the ugly ducklings. all the other girls hated me. And like our light sensors are doing to you, totally ignored me. If it wasn't for the modeling contracts and the comfort of college boys, I don't know if I would have made it.
Phil: Wow. I had no idea.
Veronica: No, how could you? You're still not 5'9"
Veridian Dynamics. Diversity--just the thought of it makes these white people smile. We believe everyone works best when they work together, even if they're just standing around. Just like we enjoy varieties of food, we enjoy varieties of people. Even though we can't eat them. At Veridian Dynamics, we're committed to a multi-ethnic workplace. You can shake on it. Veridian Dynamics. Diversity. Good for us
Commercial
Phil: This is ridiculous. You have to talk to Veronica.
Lem: I'm going to.
Phil: No, I mean you really have to.
Lem: I'm going to.
Phil: No you won't.
Lem: Yes I might.
Phil: You have to stand up for yourself this time. This isn't just delicious flavored coffee. This is your dignity we're talking about.
Lem: I have my dignity. Now will you take me to the bathroom
It turned out, Don was really a good guy. Linda was right. He was funny and smart. And for some reason, he could name every freshwater fish in North America. Plus he once played miniature golf with Tiger Woods
