Better Off Ted Season 1 Quotes
Ted: Veronica, quick question.
Veronica: What is it with everyone and their questions this morning? Where'd you learn to drive? Will you marry me? Why'd you say that to my baby?
Veronica: I confiscated this a few months ago from Dewey the security guard. He had dozens of employee sex tapes like that.
Ted: Dewey? Damn. That's the first person I've ever met named Dewey I thought was normal.
Veronica: The quest continues
Phil: So I've been thinking about our past, and how I chummed the waters of our friendship with fish guts of dishonesty.
Lem: And I've been thinking about how the shark of my loyalty gorged on the deceitful entrails of your bloody lies.
Phil: So we both saw that shark special last night
Ted: Don't you see what's happening? We are taking the only person here who has never compromised her ideals, and turning her into an ideal compromiser. And I don't mean an ideal compromiser, one who all the other compromisers look up to.
Veronica: I understand context, Ted.
Ted: She was our conscience. So now what are we gonna do?
Veronica: Gosh, you're right. How will we ever make the Fortune 500 list of the most moral companies? Oh wait, they don't have that
Dr. Bhamba: This is all my fault. I knew there was a problem with the pasta sauce, but I did not notify my superiors because, well, I'm a drug addict. My goodness, how I love the drugs. I would take them in my house. I would take them with a mouse.
Veronica: With a mouse, people. Now that's rock bottom
Veronica: We can't let the CEO take the blame, and you're the one who blabbed.
Linda: But I'm the only one who did the right thing.
Veronica: Well, you know what we call that? Irony
Lem: MIT was the best: the academic clubs, the dorms, the guys, the girl.
Lem: How can I trust you now? I bet you weren't even rescued in Montana by Harrison Ford.
Phil: No, that is true, I swear. I woke up next to a campfire with Indiana Jones making me bacon
Lem: You went to the University of Aruba?
Phil: Where knowledge is king and clothing is optional
Linda: Hello, person who thinks I'm incompetent.
Ted: Hello, person who thinks I'm lying.
Dr. Bhamba: I'm incompetent and a liar. I don't get a hello?
Veronica: I like that hairstyle. It's very powerful. Would you mind if I wore my hair like that?
Linda: Of course not.
Veronica: Good. Then you can't anymore
Linda: You know, my cousin uses the wheelchair you guys invented, the ones that climb stairs.
Ted: You know, it was my idea to give them brakes. You should have seen those suckers barreling downstairs
