Bob: Twenty percent off an oil change -- we're probably supposed to be getting those.
Teddy: When was the last time you got one?
Bob: Last year, or, um, maybe the year before. I mean, definitely since Louise was born.

• Permalink: Last year, or, um, maybe the year before. I mean, definitely since Louise was born.
• Added: September 25, 2020

Bob: I wanted to put the key on my key chain to be responsible, but I realized I left my keys in the car.
Louise: That way your car's just ready to go!

• Permalink: That way your cars just ready to go!
• Added: September 25, 2020

Okay, either I'm actually tiny and I'm in my glove compartment and I should maybe be a superhero, or I'm dreaming because I'm a sleepy middle-aged man and I fall asleep a lot.

• Permalink: Okay, either I'm actually tiny and I'm in my glove compartment and I should maybe be a...
• Added: September 25, 2020

I love the fact that you're a millionaire but your car looks like crap.

Rubber Band Squeezy Ball

• Permalink: I love the fact that you're a millionaire, but your car looks like crap.
• Added: September 25, 2020