Jonathan: Have you let someone move in right after you slept with them?
George: Yes, three times disastrous.

I'm going to drink as much booze and smoke as much pot as I want. Thank you very much.


Ray: You're an idiot!
Jonathan: Thanks for understanding.

Jonathan: It looks like you have your own serial killer.
Ray: At least he's helped with sales.

If he sticks a pencil in my twat and I feel it, I'm going to regret this.


This isn't a friend of ours that makes custom made voodoo dolls. This is a deranged stalker.


Oh shit. He gave Super Ray a beautiful vagina.


(to Jonathan) So what do you have to do today? Want to spend it in bed?


Oh this is wonderful!


George: Hey, Jonathan told me that you are quite the ladies man nowadays.
Ray: That's right, I've been with two woman since Leigh left me. A drunk and an elf.

Why are you always picking on me? I don't procrastinate. I just like to do things later.


George: Oh Ray, Happy Birthday!
Ray: Oh you shouldn't have, but I'm glad you did.

Bored to Death Quotes

Men face reality. Women don't. That why men need to drink.


I've always been intrigued by Stockholm Syndrome. Make me think of my childhood.