Holt: Do you see me as a father figure?
Jake: No! If anything I see you as a "bother" figure cause you're always bothering me.

Amy: Rule number one, let's not tell anyone so we can figure out what this is first.
Jake: Smart. Rule number two, let's not put labels on it. We're not boyfriend and girlfriend, we're just...murmzeep and jinglebin.
Amy: Great. Rule number three, let's not have sex right away.
Jake: (pause) Cool. Cool cool cool cool cool cool cool, no doubt no doubt no doubt no doubt. Good rule, no sex, good rule.

Hi, Gina Linetti, the human form of the 100 emoji.

Gina

Jake: So talk to me Goose, how are we lookin'?
Gina: Sexy, but not like we're trying to, but like, sure we're trying, but it's almost effortless?

Jake: Bing-pot!! Nope, I was gonna say bingo and then I was like jackpot's better but then it was too late, I was halfway through the word.
Charles: Bingpot works! It's taking off!

Santiago: Pretty hungover?
Peralta: Shhhhh...turn off your mouth siren...

I’ve got some stories that will make Training Day look like Super Troopers.

Peralta

Santiago: You go through doors normally, and everyone calls you pineapples.
Peralta: My grandma calls me pineapples, and I regret telling you that.

Gina: But seriously, what’s your favourite Jay-Z song?
Interviewee: I dunno! Big Pimpin’? It’s Big Pimpin’!
Gina: Awww. Wrong answer, friend.

All Fire Marshals are doofuses, but Boone is King Doofus of Doofus Island.

Jake

Holt: Why do you idolize that man and the time he wrote about?
Peralta: Because the 70s were amazing! Everyone had big juicy mustaches and all the clothes were orange...and flammable.

Diaz: When this is over, I’m going to find you, and I’m going to break those little fingers.
Judge: Ms Diaz, please stop threatening the stenographer!

Brooklyn Nine-Nine Quotes

Holt: Do you see me as a father figure?
Jake: No! If anything I see you as a "bother" figure cause you're always bothering me.

Amy: Rule number one, let's not tell anyone so we can figure out what this is first.
Jake: Smart. Rule number two, let's not put labels on it. We're not boyfriend and girlfriend, we're just...murmzeep and jinglebin.
Amy: Great. Rule number three, let's not have sex right away.
Jake: (pause) Cool. Cool cool cool cool cool cool cool, no doubt no doubt no doubt no doubt. Good rule, no sex, good rule.