Amy: Rule number one, let's not tell anyone so we can figure out what this is first.
Jake: Smart. Rule number two, let's not put labels on it. We're not boyfriend and girlfriend, we're just...murmzeep and jinglebin.
Amy: Great. Rule number three, let's not have sex right away.
Jake: (pause) Cool. Cool cool cool cool cool cool cool, no doubt no doubt no doubt no doubt. Good rule, no sex, good rule.

Jake: So talk to me Goose, how are we lookin'?
Gina: Sexy, but not like we're trying to, but like, sure we're trying, but it's almost effortless?

Santiago: You go through doors normally, and everyone calls you pineapples.
Peralta: My grandma calls me pineapples, and I regret telling you that.

Holt: Why do you idolize that man and the time he wrote about?
Peralta: Because the 70s were amazing! Everyone had big juicy mustaches and all the clothes were orange...and flammable.

I’ve got some stories that will make Training Day look like Super Troopers.

Peralta

Santiago: Pretty hungover?
Peralta: Shhhhh...turn off your mouth siren...

Diaz: When this is over, I’m going to find you, and I’m going to break those little fingers.
Judge: Ms Diaz, please stop threatening the stenographer!

Holt: You look like a corpse we just pulled out of the river.
Peralta: Wrong – I look like a cool rock star who OD’d in his own pool.

All Fire Marshals are doofuses, but Boone is King Doofus of Doofus Island.

Jake

Gina: But seriously, what’s your favourite Jay-Z song?
Interviewee: I dunno! Big Pimpin’? It’s Big Pimpin’!
Gina: Awww. Wrong answer, friend.

Brogan: I once saw Kaminski choke a hippie to death with his own ponytail.
Peralta: Awesome!
Santiago: Illegal.

“The Squad” is the best book I ever read, and I’ve read 15 books.

Peralta

Brooklyn Nine-Nine Quotes

Amy: Rule number one, let's not tell anyone so we can figure out what this is first.
Jake: Smart. Rule number two, let's not put labels on it. We're not boyfriend and girlfriend, we're just...murmzeep and jinglebin.
Amy: Great. Rule number three, let's not have sex right away.
Jake: (pause) Cool. Cool cool cool cool cool cool cool, no doubt no doubt no doubt no doubt. Good rule, no sex, good rule.

Jake: So talk to me Goose, how are we lookin'?
Gina: Sexy, but not like we're trying to, but like, sure we're trying, but it's almost effortless?