Jake: It's the most fun day of the year, something you wouldn't understand because you're not programmed to feel joy.
Holt: Yes, but my software is due for an exuberance upgrade.

"Cwazy" with a W, a backwards W.


I have a sexy voice! Champagne. Mountain Range. Hugs.


Jake: How many times do I have to say it, she's like a sister.
Boyle: That's what Luke said about Leia!
Jake: Hey! Luke didn't know! No one knew!

Rosa: Right, that's the guy you said the lame stuff about, like he's a good listener.
Amy: Sorry, what do you look for in a guy?
Rosa: Real stuff, like the shape of his ass

Jake: I'm gonna make a great dad.
Amy: Not even gonna touch that.
Jake: The Amy Santiago story.

When it comes to shooting patterns, I like to go PB&J. Penis, Brain, Jaw.


That's my plan for dealing with everything. I have 77 arguments that I'm gonna win that way.


Terry: Talk to him, that's what friends do!
Rosa: Nope. I'm gonna wait till I'm on my deathbed, get in the last word and then die immediately.

Terry: Scully, I want you to do nothing. Just stand next to me and say, "Yes, Sarge."
Scully: Okay, Sarge.
Terry: Come on, man.

Almost makes me wanna take things seriously all the time, but then I'm like, "boobs, farts, boobs, whatever."


Boyle: You wanna know why she went out with him and not you?
Jake: Yeah.
Boyle: Because he actually asked her out.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine Season 1 Episode 19 Quotes

Holt: Do you know I love milk?
Gina: Uh, no.
Holt: Well I do, but it hurts my stomach, so I haven't had milk, a beverage I love, for 19 years. Nineteen MILKLESS years I've gone, but for some reason I can't...quit...cwazy cupcakes

Gina: So stop playing.
Holt: But...I'm just about to enter Sprinkle City.