Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Thursdays 8:00 PM on NBCBrooklyn Nine-Nine Quotes
Holt: The union is powerful, but I'm sure most of our uniformed officers understand this incident is nonsense. It is, as Peralta would say, no big whoop.
Jake: I appreciate the shoutout, sir, but I actually don't pronounce the h in whoop.
Terry: Sir, all the uniformed officers just left. They're staging a walkout!
Holt: Well, it seems I was wrong. The whoop is big, after all!
Charles: All these notes are from the same doctor.
Jake: Everyone got a blood test, and they all had mono? That seems really improbable.
Charles: Yeah, nobody gets mono at this age. You get it as an eight-year-old, and then you're immune.
Jake: Wait, you get it as an eight-year-old? Mono, the kissing disease?
Charles: No, it's the cousins' disease. You get it by kissing your cousins. Oh, I guess we're both right.
Scully: How is it possible that every single uniformed officer got sick at once?
Terry: They're not actually sick. They aren't allowed to strike, so they made up a medical excuse. It's called a blue flu.
Holt: You look like garbage. Now, I know you're trying to tough this out, but I've always believed that true toughness means acknowledging your own limitations. It's okay, Terry. Go home.
Terry: Thank you, sir. I'll be back in a jiff.
Holt: I can't believe he bought that dribble. True toughness means working through pain. Everyone knows that.
Terry: So, everything's back to normal?
Holt: No, the opposite. We're going to use what we learned this week to change the way the NYPD polices our streets.
Terry: I got the proof we need to end the blue flu!
Holt: Wait, really?
Terry: Why so surprised? That was the plan!
Holt: Yes, but earlier I was talking to the squad, and I put a lot of pressure on this moment, which I then regretted. I feared I might be hoist on my own petard.
Charles: I mean, why would I want to go to town on Dianne Wiest when I can go to town with you?!
Jake: What?
Charles: Hang out! Go to town with each other. It's a common friendship phrase.
Jake: Haven't heard it.
Okay, well, I am scared that whatever's in my testicle has spread and that I'm gonna die. And then I'll never get to see Nikolaj grow up. And I won't know what kind of man he becomes. Also, my time with you will be cut short. So, no more stakeouts, or drinks after a long shift, or midnight calls when you've had a breakthrough in a case. I've always had this image of us in our nineties hunting down criminals at the retirement home. But I guess that was just a dumb fantasy. Because soon I won't be here anymore. Because I'll be dead and gone, and you won't ever see me again.
Charles
Holt: I'm a realist. I knew I wouldn't be able to fix every problem, though I always imagined I could fix some of them. But as a realist, I can now see I haven't fixed a damn thing. The NYPD will never change.
Charles: Sir, if I may. When I thought I was dying, all I could think about was what a disappointment my life had been. But then, Jake went to town with me.
Jake: Common friendship phrase.
Charles: And it helped me realize you can't focus on the things you didn't do. Focus on what you did do, and more importantly, focus on who you did it with.
Holt: So, here's what we didn't do this week. With fewer officers at our disposal, and none of them trying to hit CompStat numbers, we made fewer bad arrests. Number of complaints against officers down thirty-two percent. Number of cases thrown out of arraignment for insufficient evidence, down thirty-four percent. And here's the most important thing we didn't do. We didn't make the community less safe. Rates of major and violent crime, what actually matters? Stayed the same.
O'Sullivan: What are you saying?
Holt: I'm saying the Nine-Nine just became a case study for how a police force can work better with fewer police.
Holt: Looks like we're adding a prong. Operation Trident is now Operation Fork.
Terry: Isn't there a cooler word than fork? I mean, something more like trident.
Holt: Oh, no. Did everyone assume I was trying to be cool? Is that why things are going so poorly? Damn it. I've gotta call Peralta.
Jake: The call that you made was for a scarlet warbler -- a trash bird!
Holt: Okay, so you made your point. I'm a trash man who only knows trash birds.
