Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Thursdays 8:00 PM on NBCBrooklyn Nine-Nine Quotes
Charles: Well, at least you're doing the smart thing and asking for my help.
Amy: That is not what's happening.
Charles: Oh, I'm an expert, Amy. I basically raised ten nieces and nephews. I've done it all -- bottled, swaddled, and coddled. Let's just say you're definitely going to want my nip tips. Tips that nip a problem in the bud.
Amy: Why don't you just say tips?
Charles: Just the tips. Interesting.
Amy: Come on, man.
Rosa: How long is the drive up there? I want to time my edibles, so it kicks in right when we arrive. What?
Amy: Nothing! It's cool; I'm not gonna tell anybody. I'm not a narc.
Rosa: Alright, you can tell people.
Amy: Good, because I'm a narc.
Rosa: I'm not a cop anymore, and I have a prescription for anxiety, so it's legal. It'll be good for when all the drama starts.
Amy: Why do you think there's gonna be drama?
Rosa: Oh no, you're right. Whenever we go on one of these group trips, everything's totally normal, and there's never any big conflict. Anyway, I'm just gonna pop one of these now for no reason.
Jake: The call that you made was for a scarlet warbler -- a trash bird!
Holt: Okay, so you made your point. I'm a trash man who only knows trash birds.
Jake: The Parent Trap worked! I can't wait to tell the squad.
Terry: Wait, wait! Let me give Kevin an EpiPen, and then we can tell them together!
Jake: Okay, whoa, whoa, pump the breaks there, Sonic.
Terry: What?
Jake: Sonic the Hedgehog? You've been hogging that hedge while I was out on a ledge! You didn't have to deal with anyone saying it was a bad idea, so you don't get the credit either. This was a hundred percent all me, Doctor Robotnik.
Terry: Who?
Jake: Sonic's arch-nemesis! You've never played a video game or watched a movie, Terry?! Get a life, dude!
Terry: Tell me the plan; I want in!
Jake: What? You do?
Terry: Yeah, Terry loves love!
Jake: Then why didn't you back me up in there?
Terry: Because Terry also loves hedging.
Jake: Terry loves hedging? That's new.
Terry: No, it's classic Terry. Look, I always play both sides till the last possible minute; everyone knows that!
Jake: That's not fair. Everyone's so hard on me! I want a public show of support for my plan.
Terry: Can't do it. I don't know what's so tough for you to understand here. I love the scheme; I want to be a part of it. But I think it's gonna fail, and I don't want people to think I was a part of it.
Jake: Fine, I'll take what I can get.
Charles: You know, Amy, Mac's issues with sleeping might not be the light in the room; it might be the darkness in your heart.
Amy: Excuse me?!
Charles: Sorry, that was mean. I was trying to be poetic. It's important to be mindful of your energy when you're with an infant. Trust me; I'm sort of a natural mother.
Amy: Huh, yeah, natural mother fucker!
Jake: Question: What is the number one problem with the coronavirus?
Rosa: Mass death, economic collapse, the way that the disease has exposed the systemic injustice at the core of American life?
Captain: But an officer did break one of his fingers.
Rosa: Probably from tackling her to the ground.
Jake: Yeah, or from pointing it so hard at everyone but himself.
Rosa: Who are you performing this for, Jake?
Jake: Both of you guys.
Amy: Ever since I came back, you've been acting distant. What happened to Ramy?
Holt: Ramy?
Amy: Ray and Amy. Ramy? It's what people call us.
Holt: I don't know a single person who's ever called us that.
Jake: Rosa, we came up together. We went to the academy together; we've had the exact same career. All we ever wanted was to be detectives! And yes, we've always known there were problems, but we would solve them together from the inside. So when you quit, yeah, it made me feel like you thought I was wrong for staying.
Rosa: Jake, my choice has nothing to do with you. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. I gave up my career, my friends, my whole life -- but I did it because I couldn't ignore what I was a part of anymore. Couldn't ignore what the police are doing in my community to people who look like me.
Jake: I know. But not all of them. Not me.
Rosa: This isn't about you. And this case -- where a black woman was assaulted by the police -- has nothing to do with you either. So, if you're not here to help, if you're just here to prove a point, then, man, I don't think we should work together anymore. And I definitely don't think we're friends.
Rosa: Something seemed off to me in O'Sullivan's rant.
Jake: How red he got? He looked like a candied apple with a widow's peak.
Jake: Ms. Fulton, hello, I'm Detective Peralta. I know you're nervous about talking to a cop, which I totally get, but rest assured, I'm one of the good ones. And I know how that sounds, but I'm not one of the bad ones who says they're one of the good ones; I'm actually one of the good ones who says they're one of the good ones. And I know how that sounds --
Ms. Fulton: Does he just keep going until someone stops him?
Jake and Rosa: Yes.
