Terry: It was a sealed window on the 5th floor. You could have just gone in the door with Charles!
Jake: Yeah, but then what would my catchphrase have been? "Knock knock, who's there, justice?"

Rosa: Why are you dressed up? You look like an idiot.
Charles: But...but...
Amy: Yeah, what are you supposed to be, a sassy car mechanic?
Jake: No, come on, he's clearly the rejected Pop-Tarts mascot, Hairy Pop-Tart.
Charles: I am not! You know who I am!
Holt: Squad, that's enough. You're making Boyle feel bad on purpose. He's Elvis!
Charles: Yes!
Holt: Elvis Stojko, the Canadian figure skater.
Charles: No!!!!

Jake: As you may know, for the past two years, Captain Holt and I have engaged in an epic battle of wits. The goal? To determine who must call the other an amazing detective-slash-genius.
Holt: The first year, by sheer dumb luck, Jake eked out a feeble victory.
Jake: And last year I let the Captain win because he's old and sad.

Jake: You should have seen us Rosa, Charles and I were amazing.
Rosa: I somersaulted through a window, cut the crown out of a briefcase and replaced everything in under a minute.
Jake: Yeah, I guess you helped a little. But our fake argument was super convincing, and all of a sudden we had to make it longer, and we did!

Holt: This year's a tie-breaker. A final heist to decide once and for all the true king of the Nine-Nine.
Jake: Halloween Heist 3; The Heistening. Tagline?
Holt: This year we both attempt to steal the same object instead of Jake attempting to steal one from me.

Holt: Alpha team, this is the Golden Sparrow. Rendezvous at drop-zone Yankee.
Jake: When did you come up with all those code names?!?!

Charles: Start taking care of yourself again! I miss those gross, overly large muscles!
Terry: Lay off my body, dude! I clearly got some stuff to work through!

Charles: Hitchcock offered massage sessions for your wife --
Terry: What!?
Charles: So I pepper-sprayed him.

Jake: Okay slayer, prepare to go to jail for oolong time.
Holt: Now say "punk."
Jake: Punk!
Holt: PUNK!!

The Vulture: Let's see what you got for the B-day bash.
Amy: I thought you wanted us to surprise you?
The Vulture: It's a figure of speech, Detective Stupidago.

Gina: Jake, dope alley!
Jake: I know! I think this is where Batman's parents got killed.

Charles: You're looking a little fat.
Terry: How dare you. You can't comment on my body, this is a workplace! Now I'm feeling objectified by your male gaze!
Charles: Please, just listen, sir.
Terry: I will not listen! You are trying to shame me and that will not fly!

Brooklyn Nine-Nine Quotes

Amy: Rule number one, let's not tell anyone so we can figure out what this is first.
Jake: Smart. Rule number two, let's not put labels on it. We're not boyfriend and girlfriend, we're just...murmzeep and jinglebin.
Amy: Great. Rule number three, let's not have sex right away.
Jake: (pause) Cool. Cool cool cool cool cool cool cool, no doubt no doubt no doubt no doubt. Good rule, no sex, good rule.

Jake: So talk to me Goose, how are we lookin'?
Gina: Sexy, but not like we're trying to, but like, sure we're trying, but it's almost effortless?