Buffy the Vampire Slayer Quotes
Giles: Oh, good morning! Is everything in order for the party?
Xander: Absolutely! You ready to get down, you funky party weasel?!
Giles: Here comes Buffy. Now remember, discretion is the better part of valor.
Xander: You could have just said, "Shh." God, are all you Brits such drama queens?
Xander: So, you’re going...and...and...and...I’m going. Should we maybe go?
Cordelia: Why?
Xander: This thing with us, despite our better judgement, it keeps happening. Maybe we should just admit that we're dating?
Cordelia: Groping in a broom closet isn't dating. You don't call it a date until the guy spends money.
Xander: Fine. I'll spend, then we'll grope. Whatever. I just think it’s some kind of whack that we have to hide from all of our friends.
Oz: I'm gonna ask you to go out with me tomorrow night. And I'm kinda nervous about it actually. It's interesting.
Willow: Oh. Well, if it helps at all, I'm gonna say yes.
Oz: Yeah, it helps. It creates a comfort zone. Do you wanna go out with me tomorrow night?
Willow: Oh, I can't!
Oz: Well, I like that you're unpredictable.
Angel: You still haven't told me what you wanted for your birthday.
Buffy: Surprise me.
Angel: Okay, I will.
Buffy: This is nice. I like seeing you first thing in the morning.
Angel: It's bedtime for me.
Buffy: Well, then I like seeing you at bedtime. Umm...you know what I mean.
Angel: I think so. What do you mean?
Buffy: I like seeing you. The part at the end of the night where we say goodbye...it's getting harder.
Angel: Yeah. It is.
Buffy: Angel, this happened before. The dreams that I had about The Master...they came true.
Angel: Still, not every dream you have comes true. I mean, what else did you dream last night? Can you remember?
Buffy: I dreamt...I dreamt that Giles and I opened an office supply warehouse in Vegas.
Angel: See my point?
Xander: How are you guys doing?
Willow: Did I really hit you?
Xander: You knocked me out.
Cordelia: Did I hit you?
Xander: Yes. Everyone hit me.
Cordelia: Good. Well, I don't mean good because I hit you, but I didn't want to be left out.
Angel: So, you don't think about the future?
Buffy: No.
Angel: Never?
Buffy: No.
Angel: You really don't care what happens a year from now? Five years from now?
Buffy: Angel, when I look into the future, all I see is you. All I want is you.
Angel: I know the feeling.
[They kiss]
Buffy: As far as punishments go, this is fairly abstract.
Willow: No, it’s your baby!
Willow: Okay, I get it even less...
Xander: Well you know, it’s the ‘sex leads to responsibility’ thing, which I don’t personally get. You gotta take care of the egg. It's a baby. You gotta keep it safe and teach it Christian values.
Willow: My egg is Jewish.
Xander: Then teach it that dreidel song.
Mr. Whitmore: It’s often difficult to imagine that there are negative consequences for having sex. Would anyone care to offer one such consequence?
[Cordelia raises her hand]
Cordelia: Well that depends, are you talking about sex in the car or out of the car? Because I have a friend, not me, that was in a Miatta parked at the top of the hill and kicked the gear shift...”
Mr. Whitmore: I was thinking of something a little more common place, Ms. Chase.
[Xander raises his hand]
Xander: You want to talk about negative consequence. What about the heartbreak of halitosis? I mean, a girl may seem spiffy but if she ignores her flossing, the bloom is definitely off the rose.
[Cordelia raises her hand]
Cordelia: Like that compares to kissing a guy who thinks the hoover technique is a big turn on?
Xander: What about having to feign interest in her vapid little chitchat just so you can get some touch?
Mr. Whitemore: Now! Another consequence of having sexual activity. Anyone...else?
[Willow raises her hand]
Willow: How about pregnancy? That would be a major one, right?
Mr. Whitmore: Thank you, Ms. Rosenberg!
Xander: Whatcha got in the closet, Ted?
[He opens the door]
Xander: Let's go.
Cordelia: But we need evidence
Xander: We got it.
Willow: What's in there?
Xander: His first four wives.
Buffy: You died.
Ted: That's right, little lady. You killed me. Do we have something to say about that? Are we sorry?!
Buffy: What are you?
Ted: I'm a salesman. That's what you should have remembered. No matter how hard you put him down...
[He throws Buffy down]
Ted: A good salesman always bounces back.
Xander: What do we know?
Willow: Well, apparently the secret ingredient is not love.
Xander: What is it?
Willow: I'm not positive, but I think it's dematorin. It's like a tranquilliser; keeps you all mellow and compliant. It also shares a few components with ecstasy.
Xander: This is evidence. This is real evidence that Ted was some kind of a crook! Buffy's cleared. Willow, you are the best human ever! I adore you.
[Willow smiles]
Xander: That's the cookies talking, but you rock!
