Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 1 Quotes
Willow: The one boy that’s really liked me and he's a demon robot. What does that say about me?
Buffy: That doesn't say anything about you.
Willow: I mean, I thought I was really falling...
Buffy: Hey, did you forget? The one boy I've had the hots for since I moved here turned out to be a vampire.
Xander: Right, and the teacher I had a crush on? Giant praying mantis.
Willow: That's true.
Xander: Yeah, that's life on the hellmouth.
Buffy: Let's face it. None of us are ever gonna have a happy, normal relationship.
Xander: We're doomed!
Buffy: Yeah.
[They laugh but stop silent]
Giles: Are you a witch?
Jenny: I don’t have that kind of power. “Techno Pagan” is the term.
[Giles is shocked]
Giles: There are more of us than you think.
Buffy: Besides, I can just tell something's wrong. My spider sense is tingling.
Giles: Your...spider sense?
Buffy: Pop culture reference. Sorry.
Buffy: Whatever Dave is into, it’s large.
Giles: What is the name of this place?
Buffy: It said “C.R.D.” I couldn’t get close enough to see what it was.
Xander: It’s Calax Research and Development; it’s a computer research lab. Third largest employer in Sunnydale until it closed down last year.
[They look at him dumbfounded]
Xander: What?! I can’t have information sometimes?
Giles: It’s just somewhat unprecedented.
Giles: I'm just gonna stay and clean up a little. I'll be back in the middle ages.
Jenny: Did you ever leave?
Xander: I mean, sure, he says he's a high school student, but I can say I'm a high school student.
Buffy: You are.
Xander: Okay, but I can also say that I'm an elderly Dutch woman. Get me? I mean, who's to say I'm not if I'm in the elderly Dutch chat room?
Buffy: I get your point. I get your point! Oh, this guy could be anybody. He could be weird, or crazy, or old or...he could be a circus freak. He's probably a circus freak!
Xander: Yeah, I mean, we read about it all the time. You know, people meet on the net, they talk, they get together, have dinner, a show. Horrible ax murder.
Buffy: Willow...ax murdered by a circus freak. Okay...okay, what do we do? What are we doing? Xander! You get me started. We’re totally overreacting.
Xander: But that’s fun, isn’t it?
Willow: His name is Malcolm Black. He’s 18, lives in Elmwood, which is about 80 miles from here, and he likes me.
Buffy: Short? Tall? Skinny? Fat?
Willow: Why does everything have to be about looks?
Buffy: Not everything, but some stuff is. I mean, what if you guys get really really intense and then you find out that he...has...a hairy back?!
Willow: Well, no. He doesn’t talk like somebody who would have a hairy back. And anyway, that stuff doesn’t matter when you really care about each other. Maybe I’m not his ideal either?
Buffy: Hey, I’m just trying to make sure that he’s good enough for you. I think it’s great you met someone.
Darla: Hi, it’s been a while.
Angel: A lifetime.
Darla: Or two. But who’s counting?
Angel: What’s with the Catholic school girl look? Last time I saw you was kimonos.
Darla: And the last time I saw you wasn’t high school girls.
[She curtsies]
Darla: Don’t you like?
Darla: You and I both know what you hunger for...what you need. Hey, it’s nothing to be ashamed of, it’s who we are. It’s what makes eternal life worth living. You can only suppress your real nature for so long. I can feel it brewing inside of you. I hope I’m around when it explodes...
[She grazes his chest]
Angel: Maybe you don’t want to be.
Darla: I’m not afraid of you. I bet she is though. Maybe I’m underestimating her? Talk to her, tell her about the curse. Maybe she’ll come around? And if she still doesn’t trust you, you’ll know where I’ll be.
[Darla leaves]
Xander: You're in love with a vampire? What are you outta your mind?!
Cordelia: What?
Xander: Not vampire. How could you love an umpire? Everyone hates them!
Cordelia: Where did you get that dress?!
[She chases another student]
Cordelia Chase: This is a one-of-a-kind Todd Oldham. Do you know how much this dress cost? Is this a knockoff? This is a knockoff, isn't it? Some cheesy knockoff! This is exactly what happens when you sign these free trade agreements!
Buffy: Think we have problems?
Rupert: It seems you encountered “The Three”. Warrior vampires, very proud and very strong.
Willow: How is it you always know this stuff? You always know what's going on. I never know what's going on.
Rupert: Well, you weren't here from midnight until six researching it.
Willow: No, I was sleeping.
Darla: Do you know what the saddest thing in the world is?
Buffy: Bad hair on top of that outfit?
Darla: To love someone who used to love you.
Buffy: You guys were involved?
Darla: For several generations.
Buffy: Well, you’ve been around since Columbus, you are bound to pile up a few exes. You’re older than him, right? Between us girls, you’re looking a little worn around the eyes.
Darla: I made him.
