Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 1 Quotes
I don’t know what to say. It was really, I mean, one minute you’re in your normal life and then, “Who’s in the fridge?!” It really gets to you with a thing like that. It was...let’s just say I haven’t been able to eat a thing since yesterday. I think I lost like seven and a half ounces! Way swifter than that so-called diet that quack put me on. Oh, I’m not saying that we should kill a teacher every day so I can lose weight. I’m just saying when tragedy strikes we have to look on the bright side, you know? Like, how even used Mercedes have leather seats.
Cordelia
Giles: Well, basically, the She-Mantis assumes the form of a beautiful woman and lures innocent virgins back to her nest.
Buffy: Virgins?! Well, Xander’s not...uh...uh...I mean he’s probably...
Willow: He’s gonna die!
[Willow gets up and leaves]
Miss French: Can I ask you a personal question? Have you ever been with a woman before?
Xander: You mean like in the same room?
Miss French: You know what I mean.
Xander: Oh that, well, let me think. Yeah, there was several, and I mean quite a few times. And then there was...oh, she was incredibly...no, uh huh.
Miss French: I know, I can tell.
Xander: You can?
Miss French: Oh, I like it. You might say...I need it.
Buffy: Any luck?
Giles: I’ve not found any creature as of yet that strikes terror in a vampire’s heart.
Buffy: Try looking under “things that can turn their heads all the way around.”
Giles: Nothing human can do that.
Buffy: Nothing human...but there are some insects that can. Whatever she is, I’m going to be ready for her.
Giles: What are you gonna do?
Buffy: My homework.
Buffy: Amy? Are you Amy?
Giles: I don’t understand.
Buffy: She switched...she switched your bodies, didn’t she?
Giles: Good lord.
Buffy: She wanted to relive her glory days.
“Catherine”: She said I was wasting my youth...so she took it.
First vampires, now witches. No wonder you can still afford a house in Sunnydale.
Xander
Joyce: Some of the best times I had in school were working on the yearbook.
Buffy: Well, this just in, I’m not you. I’m into my own thing.
Joyce: “Your own thing.” Whatever it is, got you kicked out of school and we had to move here to find a decent school that would take you.
[Buffy leaves upset]
Joyce: Honey...Ugh. Great parenting form; a little shaky on the dismount.
Buffy: You guys don’t have to get involved.
Xander: What do you mean? We’re a team. Aren’t we a team?
Willow: Yeah. You’re the Slayer, and we’re like the Slayerettes.
Buffy: So, this isn’t a vampire problem?
Giles: No.
Buffy: But this is funky, right? Not of the norm.
Giles: Quite. Spontaneous human combustion is rare and scientifically unexplainable. There have been cases for hundreds of years. Usually all that’s left is a pile of ashes.
Willow: That’s all that would’ve been left if it hadn’t been for Buffy.
Xander: So, we have no idea what caused this? That’s a comfort.
Giles: But that’s the thrill of living on the Hellmouth. There’s a veritable cornucopia of fiends and devils and ghouls to look at.
[They all look at him confused]
Giles: Pardon me for finding the glass half full.
Buffy: What the...?
[Amber dances and smoke appears]
Willow: That girl’s on fire!
Cordelia: Enough with the hyperbole.
[Amber’s hands burst into flames]
Buffy: Well, I gotta look on the bright side. Maybe I can still get kicked out of school?
[Xander, Buffy and Willow walk away]
Xander: Oh, yeah, that’s a plan. Because lots of schools are not hellmouths.
Willow: Maybe you can blow something up? They’re really strict about that.
Buffy: I was thinking of a more subtle approach. You know, like excessive not studying.
[Giles touches his glasses]
Giles: The earth is doomed.
Buffy: So Giles, got anything that could make this day any worse?
Giles: How about the end of the world?
Buffy: ...I knew I could count on you.
