Californication Quotes
You know maybe if you just relaxed for half a second, and stopped looking so hard for the appropriate life mate, then you might wake up one morning next to one.
Hank
Becca: Sometimes I think I'd be happy to stay a virgin forever. Seems like once you get laid -
Chelsea: Your life basically turns to shit?
Charlie? Charlie Runkle? Are you inside that woman?
Marcy
We're 100% sure she's a 100% woman, right?
Hank
Hank: At least I'm not tucking my dong in class, not with my pants off anyway.
Felicia: Have you taken the sexual harassment seminar yet?
I am saying that if you can do anything else with your life right now, anything at all, I think maybe you should do that the world doesn't need any more lame vampire fiction, you know what I'm saying? You with me amigo?
Hank
If you and I were trapped on a desert island, it would only be a matter of time before I was putting it in your pooper.
Charlie
Charlie: Can I ask you a question, Sue?
Sue: The answer is yes, I would love a face ride.
Marcie: What are you thinking?
Charlie: Guess I thought it was something you might enjoy. You know, and maybe in the middle, you'd be like, 'God, I really do love this schmuck.'
Marcie: You thought that in the middle of raping me, I'd realize how much I love you?
Hank: Wait a second...you guys are stoned!
Becca: Dad, please!
Hank: Tell me where you got the weed, I will kill the motherf***er, tell me!
Becca: In your typewriter.
Charlie: I've been collecting passes all morning. it's too long, it's too self-indulgent, it's too hateful, too misogynistic, it's too soft, it's too mean-spirited..
Hank: Like those are bad things?
Marcy: It's been sitting on the market for months now, Charlie, it's not selling.
Charlie: Well, maybe if you weren't too busy bringing every unemployed actor in LA with a cougar fetish back to the house, you could get it sold.
Marcy: First, it's our house, and second, if you weren't too busy trying to shove your angry inch into every damaged case that crosses your path, we wouldn't even be in this mess to begin with!