Chuck Season 2 Quotes
Gee whiz, Mike. We're trying to help you find love here. Dirty, nasty, filthy love.
Morgan
Chuck: Are you enjoying this whole Martha Stewart thing? (laughs) I can't believe it. Please tell me you're not going soft on me.
Sarah: Just shut up and eat your breakfast.
Chuck: You better be careful, Sarah. One day, you might actually turn into a real girl.
Sylvia: Mr. Carmichael, I didn't expect you to come so quickly.
Chuck: Charles Carmichael always comes quickly.
Where do you meet people you don't have to pay for sex?
Emmett
Morgan: Listen to me, everybody is taller and thinner online.
Lester: It's called the "Internet Hotness Conversation Factor".
Chuck: Casey, I'm handcuffed.
Casey: Relax. Handcuffs are a cinch.
Chuck: Really?
Casey: Yeah. There's a bone in your thumb. Tiny bone. Really easy to break. What you're gonna want to do is you're gonna want to apply torsional pressure to it until it snaps.
Chuck: I'm not gonna break my bone!
Casey: Well, in that case, you are screwed.
Casey: I'm afraid you two are gonna have to drop your dating cover for this particular assignment.
Sarah: No problem.
Chuck: What is it, Thai street racing gang, Ukrainian prostitution ring?
Casey: No, for this mission you and Agent Walker are gonna be married. You two kids are going to the suburbs. Good luck as a normal couple.
Morgan: (to Chuck) Do you think the two of us will wind up with smart, beautiful, sexually adventuresome girls on Valentine's Day?
Big Mike: The answer is no. Two jackasses like you, landing two hot pieces like Anna and Blondie? It's a cruel trick of nature.
Morgan: (to Lester and Jeff) Gentlemen, I think that I speak for all of us when I say that the only reason that I took this job at the Buy More was to do as little work as humanly possible. The big man, he made that dream a reality.
Lester: That man's an inspiration to slackers everywhere.
Lester: Hey! How was the big date?
Big Mike: Gentlemen. It was a night of exquisite passion. I did things with that woman I didn't even know existed, which are likely illegal.
Lester: Yes! So you took our advice?
Big Mike: I lied my ass off.
General Beckman: Agent Walker. Mr Bartowski. I'm sure you're wondering why someone would want Tyler Martin dead.
Chuck: Not really. I mean, have you heard his music? It's over-produced. The lyrics are completely banal. I mean Facebook even has a group called "I want to kill Tyler Martin". Not that I'm a member.
Big Mike: Where's my boy Butterman?
Morgan: Um, he kinda took off suddenly.
Big Mike: Hmm. Can't blame him. A man's gotta run free after being locked up for so long.
Morgan: Yeah, Uummmm...Big Mike, you mind if I ask you what Butterman was in the can for? Are we talking robbery? Drugs? MURDER?
Big Mike: Butterman?
Morgan: Yeah.
Big Mike: God no! Bank fraud - insider trading. The man's a white collar criminal. Why, he take you fools for some money?
Morgan: (nodding) He said he was going somewhere.
Big Mike: Zihuatanejo? (Morgan looks away) Hehe. That's Mexican for Philadelphia. HAHAHAHA.
Morgan: I knew I should've learned Spanish.
