Josh: You sent me poop? Your poop?
Paula: Shut up, Josh.

Sorry I'm late, someone asked me to change the water cooler on the way in.


I'm having a party Friday night and you are not invited.


Dr Pratt: Heather, any concerns?
Heather: Oh yeah. Birth.

This is my girlfriend Beth. We are in a love bubble so we always want to be together.


I look like the host of a Nickelodeon show!


I gotta say, for a blackmailer he is decent on consent.


Trent: Period sex. Period sex.
Rebecca: No, you don't get to sing that.

We have to buy onion rings every hour just to keep the wifi going.


I do not want to confront you because you are violent and scary and weigh more than me.


It's your brand. You have that mug that says office bitch.


Paula:Where have you been?
Rebecca: Nothing. Nowhere. The janitor is creepy.

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Quotes

Rebecca: Where are you from again?
Josh: West Covina, California. 91791!
Rebecca: West Covina, I remember that. That's near the beach, right?
Josh: Yeah, only two hours...well, four in traffic.

Dear God, I don't pray to you because I believe in science. But I don't know what to do. Give me guidance, please. Ah-men. A-men. Amen?

Rebecca Bunch