Desperate Housewives Quotes
I met Bree Van de Kamp the first day she moved to Wisteria Lane. There are certain people, who, when you meet them, can't help but make a delightful first impression.
Mary Alice
Paul: You have to talk to Noah.
Zach: But he creeps me out.
Paul: Who cares? This is my life we're talking about. I need a big-time lawyer in my corner, and where else are we gonna get that kind of money?
Zach: Noah's not gonna give me a dime if he knows it's for you. He hates your guts.
Paul: Tell him it's for you. Tell him you want a car. Tell him you're ready for him to buy your love. Trust me, dying men are nothing if not sentimental.
Zach: Why do you need so much, anyway? I thought only guilty men needed expensive lawyers.
Paul: Felicia has obviously been planning this for months. Who knows what other kind of evidence she's planted? With my luck, they'll open up the Martha Huber murder again, try to nail me with some D.N.A.
Zach: You swore to me that you had nothing to do with that.
Lynette:Hello?
Susan:was just here. I think you should call him.
Lynette:I can't. I can't. I'm sorry. I just can't.
Parker:Mom!
Lynette:Yeah. Hang on. I'll call you later. Okay, bye.
Tom: Susan, have you talked to Lynette.
Susan: Uh, no. Have you tried her cell?
Tom: Yeah, she isn't picking up. Do you know where she is?
Susan: Oh, no, I'm sorry.
Tom: Susan, I think you do.
Susan: Really don't, Tom. Is everything okay?
Tom: Yeah. Yeah, we just had a fight. Listen, if you talk to her, will you please ask her to call me? Thank you.
Carlos: Would you look at this crap? He has been doing that all day.
Gabrielle: Ralph has a little crush. So?
Carlos: So can't I get a gardener who isn't trying to sleep with someone in my house?
Gabrielle: You pay six bucks an hour. it's all about the perks, honey.
Gabrielle: Honey, look. I bought us matching golf outfits for our lessons tomorrow.
Carlos: Yeah, about that-I can't go. I gotta pick up trash on the freeway.
Gabrielle: I'm sorry?
Carlos: I have to do my community service. It's part of my parole, remember?
Gabrielle: Oh, okay, well, I'll just call the country club and cancel our lessons.
Carlos: No, no, no. I am...I paid already. Might as well go without me.
Gabrielle: I don't wanna go alone. It was your idea in the first place.
Carlos: And I'd love to be there with you, too, if I didn't have to scrape slushies and condoms off Route 57. Look, what's the big deal? Just go take the stupid lesson.
Gabrielle: Fine, if you feel that way about it. Hey, I'm sorry. I'm just a little on edge today.
Susan: Oh, hi. I have a normal baby.
Mary Alice: I'm Mary Alice. I live across the street.
Susan: Susan Mayer. Thank you so much. If my husband had to rescue me, I just, I would have never heard the end of it. He thinks I'm a total klutz.
Mary Alice: Oh, please, that's what neighbors are for. Well, welcome to Wisteria Lane. When you're finished unpacking, why don't you come over for a cup of coffee?
Susan: Oh, wow! I have a neighbor who just asked me over for coffee. I'm sorry. You must think I'm a lunatic.
Mary Alice: Oh, no, no, I don't. I think you're charming. And your baby looks like a genius to me.
Susan: Oh, she is and we're gonna be so happy here. (gasps to Julie) Look at your new home.
Mary Alice: We all met Lynette Scavo the day she moved on to Wisteria Lane. We quickly decided she would be our friend. Mostly because we were afraid to have her as an enemy.
(Tom and Lynette are arguing loudly.)
Lynette: This is perfect because we need some impartial judgement. Let's suppose your husband begged you to get pregnant, begged you and out of the goodness of your heart you agreed to a baby. Even though it might derail your career, you agreed to a baby. A baby, singular! Then, then you go in for an ultrasound and you hear two heartbeats, then and only then does your husband tell you that twins run in his family. So I ask you: do I not deserve to punish this man severely?
Susan: Well, I think that twins are genetically determined by the mother.
Lynette: What are you?! A scientist?!
We're not weird, we just seem like we are.
Rex
Carlos: Can I get a gardner who isn't trying to sleep with somebody in my house?
Gabrielle: You pay six bucks an hour. It's all about the perks, honey.
You're not going to walk me into a wall, are you?
Julie
I met Susan Mayer the day she moved to Wisteria Lane. She seemed so delightfully confident, I couldn't help but feel intimidated. That feeling... (shot of Susan falling down into the truck and locking herself up)... quickly passed.
Mary-Alice
