Susan: Uh, can I get a map to the hot springs? I'm gonna hike up there.
Ranger: No problem, you got gear?
Susan: Yep.
Ranger: That's not gear.
Susan: Why not?
Ranger: It's tiny ma'am, and pink.

Ranger: I'm sorry, I just can't let you go up there-
Susan: Can't? There is no "can't" in love. There is a man on that mountain that I intend to spend the rest of my life with and nothing is going to keep me from him! Not fate, not destiny and definitely not you!
Ranger: To finish my thought ma'am, I can't let you go up there alone. You'll need a guide.
Susan: Oh. Cool.

Victor: Are you familiar with the quote "from the one to whom much has been entrusted, even more will be demanded"?
Gabrielle: Um, doesn't ring a bell.
Victor: From the Bible.
Gabrielle: (laughing) That explains it.

Rick: I'm staying as long as Lynette wants me there. And make no mistake. She wants me there.
Tom: Oh, buddy. You're not thinking this thing through, because Lynette will never leave her family. So the best, and I mean the very best, that you can hope for is to catch her in a weak moment and leave a wound in her marriage that will take years to heal, but it will heal, because I will stand by her and I will love her just as hard as she hates herself for what she did. You still feel like sticking around?

(lost in the woods leaving Mike a voicemail) Hey, Mike. Um... Listen, I know your cellphone is off but I-- I wanted you to know that I followed you up to the Hotsprings and... and now I'm lost... you know, in the off chance that I get devoured by mountain lion I-- I just wanted you to know I love you. (starts crying) I've always loved you. And I don't want any more drama. And if you take me back I promise there won't be. Unless I get eaten by a mountain lion and you know that will be dramatic, but it won't be my fault. Anyway, I hope it's not too late but if it is I just-- I just want you to know that I am so so... (cell phone beeps for low battery and cuts off her call) ...sorry.


(narrating) Anyone can end up a victim. Injured by the actions of others. But whether the damage is inflicted by a cunning ex-wife, or a blow delivered by the object of our affection, the time comes when we must pick ourselves up and continue on our journey. And if we can't, then all we can pray for is a rescue.

Mary Alice

Vern: I can't believe one dress could cost so much.
Gabrielle: Well, I want to look fabulous tonight when Victor's elected mayor.
Vern: Yeah, but isn't it bad luck to buy a dress for a victory party before the election?
Gabrielle: Vern, focus. It's never bad luck when I look fabulous.

Toni: Look... After hearing your whole history with Mike, it doesn't take a genius to figure out what the problem is.
Susan: What is it?
Toni: You. You don't wanna be happy. You're a drama junkie. When there is no drama, you create it. You sleep with your ex-husband, you cheat on a coma victim, and now you're hiking up a mountain after a guy who has no idea you're coming.

Susan: Mike, I twisted my ankle.
Mike: Good. 'Cause now I get to do this. (picks her up and kisses her)

Toni: What are you doing?
Susan: It's a face-mask, it's lavender and honey, you want some?
Toni: Honey, huh? So you're in the middle of the woods getting ready to smear your face with bear-food?

Gabrielle: So here's what's gonna happen. We're not talking to Edie anymore.
Lynette: What do you mean we?
Gabrielle: I mean we as in she betrayed me and you're my best friends so you're gonna support me because that's what friends do.
Susan: And support you, means acting like we're in junior high?

Susan: Lynette, what are you doing here?
Lynette: Edie asked me to cater. I know, I'm a total whore, but please don't rat me out to Gaby.
Edie: (just as Susan is about to say something) Hi Susan! I have 30 copies of your book. The kids can't wait for you to sign it. Come on, let's go. Come on. Come on.
Lynette: (looks at Susan and smiles) Looks like we're working the same corner.

Desperate Housewives Season 3 Quotes

(talking on the phone) Hey Gaby, It's Lynette. Got a little emergency here. Is it okay if we use your back yard? (pauses) Great, great. And we take complete responsibility for whatever the pony does. Hope you get this message soon.


Bree: Excuse me. Did you lose something?
Orson: No. I just thought... for you.
Bree: Oh, um. I don't do that.
Orson: Why not?
Bree: I'm a republican.
Orson: I'm a libertarian. I believe in minimizing the role of the state and maximizing individual rights.
Bree: But Orson?!
Orson: Trust me. I know what I'm doing.