Favorite Eastbound & Down Quotes
Why would you do this to me? Here this whole time I thought you were the whore with a heart of gold. Instead you're just a whore with a real whore's heart.
Kenny Powers
No, I was using an alias. Steve to me, just kinda seems like the name of somebody who has absolutely nothing going on in their life.
Kenny Powers
(To Rose) I'm sorry we didn't get a lot of time to hang out. I'll be honest with you, sometimes I forgot you even existed.
Kenny
Kenny: I thought Ashley Schaeffer was gonna be a woman.
Ashley: I love women, so I'll take that as a compliment.
Terrence: You want a smoothie?
Kenny: No, I'm straight.
A lot of people ask me, 'Kenny Powers, you're a giant superstar. You can get any woman. Have you ever paid for sex?' And the answer is yes, I have. Several times, in fact. And it's actually kinda cool. You can negotiate practically anything and sometimes, even just kind of do stuff in the moment that you never agreed to pay for and it goes by without much argument.
Kenny Powers
So as I was saying, the amount of money I am gonna be making would hurt your parents feelings. You remember the class where I taught you all how to make it rain? That's what I'm gonna be doing every single night - dolla, dolla bills, y'all...
Kenny Powers
Kenny Powers: I got two hard rules I live by, pop: I don't f*ck with the devil, and I never do tag teams with blood relatives.
I don't know what's going on, man. I'm just all jammed up inside. Lost my abilities. Been stripped of all of my god-given talents. Including the talents to be able to have sex with any woman I choose, or throw a f*cking ball fast, or to not prematurely come in my pants. Sometimes I just don't even know which one hurts the most. I'm ashamed of myself.
Kenny Powers
But a true champion, face to face with his darkest hour, will do whatever it takes to rise above. A man fights, and fights, and then fights some more. Because surrender is death, and death is for pussies.
Kenny Powers
Truth be told, things aren't going as good for me as I led on to believe. The love of my life married some other dude, and my new girlfriend fed her pussy to the owner of the baseball team I just quit. I stole homeboy's car, and now I'm probably a wanted fugitive.
Kenny Powers
Sure, I've been called a xenophobe, but the truth is, I'm not. I honestly just feel that America is the best country and the other countries aren't as good. That used to be called patriotism.
Kenny Powers
