Favorite Eastbound & Down Quotes
Kid in Gym Class: My dad said you ruined baseball.
Kenny Powers: You know what? I can already tell that I don't like you. And I'm probably not going to like you no matter how many pull-ups or push-ups you do. If anybody wants to pick on anybody in class, aim for him, cause I aint watching.
Kenny: Did you get my shit?
(Clegg hands a bag to Kenny)
Kenny: Why is it in a fucking zip-lock bag? What is this mushrooms? Clegg, I'm talking about steroids.
Kenny: What are you looking at?
Paper Boy: Your hair asshole.
Kenny: Yeah, nice job making three bucks a week dipshit. Sell weed and you'll make more money.
There's one thing I have learned through all my adventures and conquests - it's that some people are just wired for success. I had no choice when it came to being great - I just am great.
Kenny Powers
I am not trying to sound cocky or full of myself, but Kenny Powers has a sneaking suspicion that no matter what comes his way he will always be great. Because that's just the way sh*t works sometimes.
Kenny Powers
From this moment on, you're no longer little kids. You're cold, calculated murderers. This is the mindset you gotta be in if you wanna be a champion.
Kenny Powers
Stupid cookout. As if their f*cking cookout is any sort of big thing. You should see my f*cking cookouts, man. When I was back in Seattle, I had the goddamn Spoonman from the Soundgarden videos coming to my sh*t. I'm talking 6 grills burning at all times. Tiki torches, 3 whole pigs, sh*tloads of macaroni and cheeses, baked potatoes, collard greens, a horse, f*cking Puerto Rican chicks showing their pussies and tits off everywhere. They were amazing.
Kenny Powers
From this moment forward Kenny Powers is just like everyone else. Normal. Not special. No hopes. No dreams. Pretending to be happy when he's really super sad. Just an average guy with exceptional hair. Nothing more, and nothing less.
Kenny Powers
I just want you to know that I've been thinking alot, about, you know, what happened at the cookout. It's just that we were there, and then we were touching each other, and I saw those t*ts and I started feeling your ass and I started breathing heavy and almost got a headache. Then my vision started to go all colorful. Then I just came in my pants. But I won't do that again.
Kenny Powers
I'm laying down my new audiobook. No writing, just spoken words - the old fashioned way.
Kenny Powers
So, besides getting shot in the back of the head do you know what else Abraham Lincoln did? He was a champion wrestler in high school and no, I'm not making that up.
Kenny
Smashing a brick through a f*cking dude's window is nothing compared to the things I've done. I've killed people.
Kenny Powers
