Favorite Eastbound & Down Quotes
If I had to choose, I mean historically, I've always considered myself to be a tit man.
Kenny Powers
There's gonna be an ass ton of crabs, lobsters, wine, Bartles & Jaymes, corn on the cob, f*ckin booger sugar.
Kenny Powers
Is that my thong? Oh, dude no way! You do not go in my drawers and take out a pair of my chones. That is a big no no!
Kenny Powers
Gross! You're crop dusting my whole entire bedroom with your pubes right now. Don't be sorry, dude. Just cover up that marblesack.
Kenny Powers
Did this tale end the way I thought it would? Probably not. But as long as I win, who gives a sh*t?
Kenny Powers
Once again I'm with the hottest chick in town, buyin' the most expensive fashions, dinin' in the fanciest food places, riding around on goddamn jet skis. Rainin' trim. Hallucinogens. Jet skis again. Throwin' heat. And getting laid.
Kenny Powers
I can't believe I opened up my heart up to that bitch. Opened it wide up. And she just squatted with that big beautiful booty and dumped all over it.
Kenny Powers
Yeah Stevie, I'm pretty sure the guy I'm looking for didn't direct the f*cking blair witch project. Just forget you ever heard the name Eduardo Sanchez. Forget that he supposedly lives in a village near here. Forget that he is not Mexican, but a gringo.
Kenny Powers
If you've got something you want to say, then just say it. You can save us alot of time with this f*ckin pointless history lesson in this goddamn creepy, uninmpressive, f*ckin hall. I don't like it in here. It's gross.
Kenny Powers
The good thing about getting over depression is... well... you can start to see your enemies more clearly. Suddenly, everyone isn't an obstacle, just some people are... And it might be someone that you find is in your bloodline, distant and as brown as their skin can be, they still are part of you.
Kenny Powers
Yeah, I've actually had multiple orgasms on jet skis. Maybe it's something in our blood that we can just ya know, get hard from riding f*ckin badass ya know, terrain vehicles... water crafts...
Kenny Powers
I paid cash for the motherf*cker. Bought it with an advance that I was paid for this, uh... self help novel I'm about to have published onto the Oprah's book clubs... Pretty much saved all my pennies from my major league days. Invested a lot of it very wisely in stocks, bonds, famous works of arts.
Kenny Powers
