Evil
Sundays 10:00 PM on CBSEvil Quotes
David: What happens when you stop all the demonic houses?
Victor: Peace on earth.
Sister Andrea: It's not going well.
Kristen: What's not?
Sister Andrea: Your counseling. The demon's larger. It's in control.
Kristen: Sister, I need to do what I do.
Sister Andrea: I know. But do it better.
Leland: Remember that moment in Working Girl where Harrison Ford says 'make me money, or I'm gonna kill you'?
Sheryl: Mmm. No.
Leland: Well, get Makob up to $135, or I'm gonna kill you.
Ben: I am not depressed! I was diagnosed as culturally derealized by a bunch of 12-year-olds.
Karima: Culturally wh-
Ben: Derealized. It means disgusted with the insanity of reality.
Karima: What insanity?
Beh: Uh, the cases that I am trying to solve that don't make any sense. Photos of angels. A soul-weighing machine. My girlfriend with a twin attached? I try to figure out these cases that don't make any sense, and then we just move on to the next thing.
Leland: So, your goal this week is to get Makob to trade for $135 per coin.
Sheryl: Wait, $135 for what? It's not even real.
Leland: What is real?
Sheryl: OK. This desk, my purse, but not, but not that. I can sell anything, but if it's just there, how do I do that?
Sister Andrea: There's a demon in there.
David: There's... what does that mean?
Sister Andrea: It means there's a demon in there between them. It has its hands on their shoulders.
David: I didn't see anything.
Sister Andrea: Because you're not as good.
Oh my God. Are you husband-hunting in nerd Narnia?
Ben
You know who I fantasized about last night? You. You are so hot.
Demon [to Sister Andrea]
Kristen: I miss us.
David: It had nothing to do with us.
Kristen: I know, but we're not what we were, and I think that I- [goes to the door and closes it] And I think I caused it-
David: No.
Kristen: -when I confessed to you and afterward.
David: Kristen, it's OK. It's done.
Kristen: Well, clearly, it's not done because if it were done, I'd still have a friend and I can feel that I don't.
David: Kristen, what's going on with me has nothing to do with my, with our-
Kristen: Our feelings toward each other?
David: Yes. It's to do with me being a priest, a new priest. That's all.
Kristen: I feel lonely.
David: Don't be. I'm here, and I'll be myself again.
Kristen: I'd like that. Great. Friends again. I'll see you tomorrow.
Social media makes motives both simpler and stupider.
Kristen
Victor: You're late.
David: I didn't know I was on a schedule.
Victor: This is the holy Catholic Church. You're always on a schedule.
Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. CAPTAIN KIRK IS CHRIST!
Confession Goer
