All right, what's going on back here? Oh hello Megan. Wait a minute, your not part of the popular clique. You run along and play alone somewhere. Shame on you all, getting her hopes up like that


A girl answered a math problem, you know what the means. A WITCH!


I'll tell you Lois, High school is a lot more fun this time around. And it's a lot safer now that all the kids have guns


Sweet statuatory, you look beautiful


And you know what I got for Christmas? A pack of cigarettes. My dad grabbed me and said, " Smoke 'em up Tony, they're grrrreat!".....bastard

Tony The Tiger

Peter: ...and that's my plan, Principal. So, what do you think?
Principal: But... you didn't tell me anything? You just sat down & said "And that's my plan"

Peter: You don't remember what it's like to be my age!
Lois: I'm two years younger then you!

Girl [to Brian at bar]: I think you've had about enough.
Brian: Well, I... I think you're wrong, you... you increasingly attractive looking woman. You know, you're... you're really pretty.
Girl: Oh, stop!
Brian: No. I'm... I'm serious... You could... you could be in magazines. You could! And not just Juggs or Creamsicle...
[Lady walks away]
Brian: Call me! ... She won't call

Stewie and I traded in our plane tickets for train tickets. Yeah, apparently you can do that


Stewie: You remember that episode of the Brady Bunch where Bobby saved Greg's life and Greg became his slave?
Brian: Yeah.
Stewie: Good. It's on tonight. Tape it for me, and put a nice label on it

Stewie: Go on, hot wire it!
Brian: Hot wire? I don't even pump my own gas.

Open up or I'll hit you with this blunt instrument I use to hit dead-beats with bad credit cards. Well, it's not an instrument, it's more of an object, but it's blunt, hard and blunt, and well ... it's kinda like a bat. I found it out back one day when I was raking

Hotel manager

Family Guy Season 2 Quotes

Coco: You simply must join us in a game of baccarat.
Peter: Right baccarat atcha!

If I ever go back to Quahog, it'll be just so that I can poke poor people with a stick!