Peter: ( sees fat Lois come in ) Oh, hey Hogzilla. You seen my hot wife Lois anywhere? Lois: I don't know. Maybe she's out looking for a man who can satisfy her. Peter: (laughs sarcastically) Hey, do me a favor. When you're in bed, point your butt the other way. Last night, you farted, swear to god, I thought someone was stickin' me with the cigarette lighter from the car.
(After running over Joe with the tank) Peter: Joe, my god what happened? Joe: You just ran over me you bastard! I don't know where you got that thing, but I'm impounding it! Peter: Heheheh look at you, you look like a half-empty toothpaste.