Peter: Lois, why is my son playing with a vacuum like a girl? Here. Play with this discus and javelin. Then you can grow up like a man like track and field star Bruce Jenner -- the greatest man in the world. Maybe you'll even end up on a box of Wheaties.
Stewie: Didn't these used to have nuts in 'em?

If God would have wanted women in the workplace he would have made them alcoholics.

Peter

Even in the 50s you're a scumbag.

Stewie

If you want to have fun with your girl try dancing. It's fun and good for your health.

Peter

For 60 years, Sundays have meant God, football and Family Guy. And later, to a lesser degree, The Simpsons.

Peter

Stewie: I can't believe you still want to invest in this. They use dog meat. How can you condone the eating of other dogs?
Brian: Oh, c'mon, Stewie, it's their way. Who are we to judge other cultures?

Cleveland: Peter, that's Bruno Mars.
Peter: Bruno Mars? Who's she?
Cleveland: She's a man. And he's not even black. He's a beautiful, mixed-up tomorrow person.

Stewie: You're really taking to this. I wish I would have brought you in on this earlier. Together we're going to make a fortune.
Brian: Hold on, Stewie. I'm not some run-of-the-mill Wall Street scumbag in it just for the profits. Every dollar I make, one goes to me and one goes to charity.
Stewie: I'm going to rent a Ferrari and cruise the pier. You want in?
Brian: Well, cancer's not going anywhere.

The stock market is a sucker's bet like chasing your tail.

Brian

Stewie, adults are allowed to say racist things because of traffic.

Brian

For instance, there are more single people over 50 than ever so I'm investing in handguns and black-out window shades. They don't want to be part of society, Brian. They've made that very clear.

Stewie

And I'm bisexual like all the members of the Coast Guard. Goodnight Coast Guard. I hope you enjoyed the episode.

Peter

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife has been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?

Wilford Brimley