When I was in the orphanage, my Sunday school shoes were potatoes.

Dr. Pritchfield

Dr. Pritchfield: You seem to have a lot of opinions about things.
Stewie: Yeah, there are a lot of dicks.

Quahog. What a pile of garbage.


Stewie: Brian, I did something awful.
Brian: Do you want to talk about it?
Stewie: No.

I hope he didn't get cancer all over the seat.


After five minutes you think you know me?


I've been touched by greatness. I'll never watch this hand again. This is the best thing that happened to me since I became a wise-cracking, fourth wall breaking superhero.

Peter [after touching Boo Berry]

Brian [about Fast and Furious movies]: So what's the plot?
Stewie: Oh. So you don't understand these movies.

Chris: I can't tell if they have a really strong marriage or a really bad one.
Meg: I feel like it's weird but strong. Like Danny Trejo.

Brian: Quagmire? What are you doing here?
Quagmire: Oh, I have an all-access pass to anything sex related in this town.

What's the matter, Brian? Have you fallen and can't get up?


You're stuck being a single loser. You might as well embrace it.


Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Hi, I'm Al Harrington, President and CEO of Al Harrington's Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm Flailing Tube Man Emporium and Warehouse! Thanks to a shipping error I am now currently overstocked on wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tube men, and I am passing the savings on to you! Attract customers to your business, Make a splash at your next presentation, Keep grandma company, Confuse your neighbors, African American? Hail a cab, Testify in church, Or just raise the roof! Whatever your wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tube man needs are! So come on down to Al Harrington's Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm Flailing Tube Man Emporium and Warehouse! Route 2 in Weekapaug.

Al Harrington