Fresh Off the Boat
Fridays 8:30 PM on ABCFresh Off the Boat Quotes
Jessica: Come on, I'll show you the Miller house. Let me just get my kids. Come on! Marco!
Evan and Emery: Polo!
Furniture store clerk: Good afternoon. Can I help you?
Jessica: Jessica Huang (shakes his hand). Seven years managing #1 furniture store unlimited in Washington DC
Clerk: Um, Ok, are you looking for anything in particular?
Yes, $18.50 an hour and I need afternoons off to help my boys with their school work, oh and on Thursdays I need off to do my mother-in-law's nails. We both hate it but there is nothing we can do about it now (cut to Grandma Huang and Jessica)
Jessica: Pretty color (dryly)
Grandma Huang: Very (equally dryly)
Clerk: Um, I think there's been some sort of mistake. We're not hiring.
Jessica: But you put this ad in the paper
Clerk: It's an ad for 25% off mattresses
Jessica: Exactly! 25% on the highest margin item in the store. You obviously need my help.
Evan: When I grow up I want my specialty to be homemade pickles.
Emery: That’s new for you
Evan: I was gonna tell you
Emery: No it’s fine. I guess I’ll just have to share a bunk bed with a total stranger (walks off in a huff)
Louis: If you want money you need to work
Eddie: But I can’t work. I’m only 11
Louis: But when your grandfather was 11, he had three kids as I say that I realize I’m exaggerating.
Eddie Huang: So a basketball man made a video game about karateing people?
Jessica Huang: Thank god, thank god. I knew you’d get it.
Jessica: $4.99?! I’ll give you $2
Store clerk: Popsicles are a set price, they’re not negotiable
Jessica: You’re good. I’ll give you $2.50
Jessica: At my family's furniture store, I handled employee grievances
Eddie: The employees were you and your sister
Jessica: That bitch
Stay away from Arkansas. They've outlawed all the fun stuff
Louis
Eddie, half the reason I come to this country is so that you can have sex.....I didn't mean it that way
Louis
Eddie: How do you sleep at night?!
Rich kid: With two nightlights. I got a big room.
We apologize if some of you felt sexually harrassed by out last sexual harrassment training session
Louis
Honey: Uh, are we still going to the movies?
Jessica: Only if there's something with Denzel. Movie theaters are a hot bed for disease.
Honey: Crimson Tide is playing
Jessica: I'll start the car
