Fresh Off the Boat
Fridays 8:30 PM on ABCFresh Off the Boat Quotes
Boss I didn't want to tell you this, but that table of 10 is a no-show
Mitch
Jessica: That's my Tiger Shirt! You stole it from my bag.
Connie (Jessica's sister): No I found it. 100% off!
Their mother: Good bargain!
Connie: Thanks mom (glowing with pride)
You're not old enough to appreciate the emotion of grunge
Justin
So am-am I a waitress again, or am I pretending to be a customer or...oops. I think we can all agree that it's amazing that I've lasted this long, right?
Nancy
Mitch: Howdy, Cattleman's Ranch
Louis: Mitch, how many tables are booked for tonight
Mitch: Uh, let's see. Oh just one but it's a big party of 10.
Louis: (whispering) OK, well, there's a change of plans, me and my family are coming in tonight. I need you to fill up the restaurant any way you can.
Mitch: Well, I got that big party of 10 coming in
Louis: No, we're the big party of 10.
Mitch: You and me?
Louis: Me and my family are the big party of 10!
Sometimes you have to spend money you don't have to make it seem like you have money that you don't spend.
Louis
Emery: Why can't we stay on the couch
Jessica: Because then your aunt and uncle will know that we don't have enough bedrooms [sighs] and they must never know that.
The way my parents were acting you would have thought Maria Carey was coming to visit. I mean a pre-Nick Cannon in a Washington Wizards dress Mariah Carey
Eddie
I don't know what this wife's problem is. If my husband had a big house like Jack Nicholson, he could put an axe in any door he wants to. Why? Because we have 500 other doors and a maze.
Jessica
Eddie: Yo mom! You see Honey, ask her how those Skittles treated her.
Louis: Why are you giving women candy?
Eddie: Cause she's soooo sweet
Louis: Go to your room
Eddie: Hey girl, how you livin'
Honey: (responding in a baffled manner) I'm fine. Uh hi, I'm Honey.
Eddie: Yeah, you are
Jessica: Eddie stop acting weird.
Jessica: Eddie! That's very expensive. If you want to waste something, you waste water. Do not throw juice.
Eddie: Mom, get out of my fantasy!
Eddie: Jessica, water does not project success. Capri Sun does. As does Cattleman's Ranch Ribs. Great pork at a fair price. Come on flight girls. Try a rib tell a friend.
Jessica: This is not free! I'm going to charge you all!
