Futurama Season 1 Episode 8: "A Big Piece of Garbage" Quotes
Farnsworth: Remarkable! A stench so foul it's right off the Funk-o-Meter. I dare say Fry may have discovered the smelliest object in the known universe.
Bender: Ooh! Ooh! Name it after me!
Farnsworth: Eureka!
Fry: Did you build the Smellescope?
Farnsworth: No, I remembered that I'd built one last year.
Farnsworth: Perhaps 149 is just too old to be a scientist.
Bender: Yep!
Fry: No, Professor, don't give up. There were plenty of times in my century when I was gonna give up but I never did. Never! Hey, are you even listening to me? Oh, I give up!
And now for the presentation of the award. Listen, folks, I'm practically giving this prize away to Dr. Wernstrom, for his fish thingy.
Popeil
Wernstrom: I've waited a hundred years for this, Farnsworth. I give your invention the worst grade imaginable: An A-minus-minus.
Farnsworth: Uh, yes, here I am, OK, now, hello there. Now, we all know telescopes allow us to see distant objects. But what if we want to smell distant objects? Well now we can! Thanks to my new invention ... the Smellescope.
Man: Oh, I say!
Farnsworth: The odour travels past this coffee stain here, around the olive pit and into this cigar burn. And this appears to be a doodle of myself as a cowboy... But the Smellescope is brilliant, I tell you! Think of the astronomical odours you'll smell thanks to me.
Welcome to this year's Academy of Inventors Annual Symposium. I'm your host, Ron Popeil, inventor of Mr. Microphone, the spray-on toupee and, of course, the technology to keep human heads alive in jars.
Popeil
Bender: I've been perusing your fortified wine list and I've selected the '71 Hobo's Delight, the '57 Chateau Part and the '66 Thunder Chevitz.
Waiter: Exquisite choices, sir.
Bender: And mix them all together in a big jug.
Fry: Who's that jerk?
Farnsworth: A hundred years ago he was my most promising student at Mars University. But then, after one fateful pop-quiz...
Flashback
Wernstrom: A-minus? No one gives Ogden Wernstrom an A-minus!
Farnsworth: I'm sorry, but penmanship counts.
Wernstrom: I swear I'll have my revenge even if it takes me a hundred years.
Flashback ends
Farnsworth: And here it is: Slightly over 99 years later and still no revenge. I'm essentially in the clear.
Farnsworth: Behold! The death clock. Simply jam your finger in the hole and this read-out tells you exactly how long you have left to live.
Leela: Does it really work?
Farnsworth: Well it's occasionally off by a few seconds. What with free will and all.
Fry: Sounds like fun. How long do I have left to live?
He puts his finger in the hole and the clock dings
Bender: Ooh! Dibs on his CD player!
Farnsworth: It's the Academy of Inventors' annual symposium.
Fry: Wow! I love symposia.
Farnsworth: It's the event of the scientific season. Every member presents an invention and the best one wins the Academy prize.
Bender: Sounds boring.
Farnsworth: Oh, my, yes.
Farnsworth: Good news, everyone. Tomorrow you'll be making a delivery to Ebola 9, the virus planet.
Hermes: Why can't they go today?
Farnsworth: Because tonight's a special night and I want all of you to be alive.
