Gilmore Girls Season 2 Quotes
Lorelai: Can we bribe you?
Waitress: No.
Lorelai: (pointing to Emily) Please? She's loaded!
Lorelai: Mom, you signed us up for a couple's massage.
Emily: So?
Lorelai: A couple's massage is for a couple not a couple of people.
Emily: It's more efficient this way. We'll both be finished at the same time.
Lorelai: Mom, do you know what most people who get these massages do about five minutes after it's over? They have sex, together, probably while wearing their robes.
Rory: I just wanted to thank you.
Luke: For what?
Rory: The care package. It was really sweet.
Luke: What care package?
Jess: Uh, Luke, they're hitting the water line again.
Luke: What? Tom, you are dead. You hear me? Dead! (Goes off)
Jess: Wanna pay?
Rory: Funny, I don't think Luke knew anything about the food last night.
Jess: That'll be $12.50.
Rory: Which means you lied about why you came over.
Jess: I'm out of quarters, I'll have to give you nickels.
Rory: You wanted to come over!
Jess: I gotta get back to work.
Rory: You're squirming. I've never seen you squirm. It's entertaining.
Jess: Yeah?
(Rory is trying to get Jess to leave)
Jess: Are you sure we couldn't sit down, have a little heart-to-heart? He'd tell me his issues, I'd tell him mine, we'd hug.
Rory: (opens door) Go.
Jess: (going outside) Okay, well give him my best...(sees Dean at bottom of steps) Actually, I think I might do that myself.
Rory: He just dropped by to give me some food.
Jess: From Luke's.
Rory: He wanted to make sure I ate.
Jess: Luke did.
Rory: Yeah, Luke did.
Jess: Personally, I could care less if she eats.
Jess:(sees what Dean's holding) And what's that? Aw, a little ice cream package just big enough for two. How sweet. (Dean glowers at Jess) Oh, now you're doing that towering-over-me thing. Huh. You've really got that down. It helps that you're like twelve feet tall, but add that Frankenstein scowl it's just.
Rory: Jess.
Jess: Okay, I'm leaving. (starts to walk away, turns around and says to Dean) I really was just dropping off some food, so don't get all West Side Story on me, alright?
(to Lorelai) You're muttering under your breath. Years of experience have taught me that when you do that, it's usually about me.
Emily
(Dean and Lorelai watching through the window of Luke's Diner to Rory and Jess who are flirting)
Dean: Rory wouldn't lie, right?
Lorelai: No. Rory wouldn't lie.
Lorelai: What, did you get all dressed in black and pull a Mission Impossible? Jess: Actually, I came down the chimney and pulled a Santa Claus.
(about the mess in Luke's apartment) This is what I always pictured the inside of my head to look like.
Lorelai
(Jess and Luke are searching for an apartment)
Jess: Forget it!
Luke: Why? What was wrong with it?
Jess: It was pink!
Luke: We can paint it.
Jess: You mean I can paint it.
Luke: We can paint it together.
Jess: Great! Then we can hold hands and skip afterwards.
Luke: Fine. Which one did you like?
Jess: The one before.
Luke: The one with the two fridges?
Jess: No.
Luke: Well, the one before was the one with two fridges.
Jess: No, the one we saw before was the one with the cat!
Luke: I hate cats!
Jess: Well, I don't think the cat came with the place.
Luke: Yeah, but it had carpeting which means it's always gonna smell like a cat.
Jess: (shrugs) Clean the carpet.
Luke: Paint the pink.
Jess: Fine. The one next to the bank.
Luke: Nah, too many windows.
Jess: What?
Luke: Six windows, all on one side, three o'clock in the afternoon, we're sittin' in an oven.
Jess: So we get curtains.
Luke: Well, you'd have to help me put them up.
Jess: Great! Then we can hold hands and skip afterwards.
Luke: Stop saying that!
Lorelai: That bracelet is the most precious thing she owns. She never takes it off, and your stealing it was unbelievably cruel.
Jess: The most precious thing she owns?
Lorelai: Yes.
Jess: If it's the most precious thing she owns, why did it take her two weeks to notice it was gone? You might want to reevaluate how madly in love she is. I wouldn't start calling him son yet.
(referring to Luke) Oh, thirteen different shades of red!
Lorelai
Luke: Did I mention that Caesar can cook you breakfast?
Lorelai: But he doesn't make the good fluffy pancakes like you do.
Luke: Then order eggs.
Lorelai: No! See, I had a near death experience today.
Luke: Really?
Lorelai: Yes. I almost fell off the roof of my house trying to clean the rain gutters, so I have to have pancakes. Please? I'll help you shower when I become a superhero.
