Jess: Look, the crazy ballet teacher called and asked when Luke was getting back from the funeral, if I could unlock the door. I came down, I unlocked the door, then went back upstairs and back to sleep.
Rory: So you did do a little something.
Jess: I unlocked the door.
Rory: So that people could come in here and put this together. Nice.
Jess: Nice for them, not for me.
Rory: You facilitated it, you made it happen, so I guess that means that you're officially a part of our town now.
Jess: Hey, wait a minute.
Rory: Welcome.
Jess: I am not part of this town.
Rory: See you for some tree planting over at the Arbor Day Festival, buddy.
Jess: Yeah, well maybe I can knock over a liquor store while everyone else is planting those stupid trees.
Rory: As long as it's a liquor store in town, neighbor.

Jess: I'm in the middle of something.
Rory: Just assume that Jeanie is going to get Major Healy out of whatever scrape he's in.
Jess: Gee, thanks for spoiling it for me.

Lorelai: We're running out of coffee.
Luke: I'll make some more.
Lorelai: No, I got it.
Luke: Do you know how?
Lorelai: Do I... ugh... I am Cathy Coffee, mister, the bastard offspring of Mrs. Folger and Juan Valdez.

(Jess stumbles down the stairs)
Lorelai: Oh, you're very graceful.
Jess: She pushed me.
Rory: Sue me!
Jess: I could've broken my neck!
Rory: (hands him a pot) As long as it's not your arm, we need your arm.

(After Lorelai and Rory walk into the town meeting late.)
Taylor: You really have to work on your punctuality, Lorelai. I banged the meeting in half an hour ago.
Lorelai: Uh, dirty!

Kirk: I need some more Equal.
Lorelai: There's one right there.
Kirk: I need seven.
Lorelai: Seven? You're not squirreling these away in your pocket for home use, are you, Kirk?
Kirk: No, I use seven in my coffee.
Lorelai: Okay, good, then allow me. (pours seven Equal into his cup) There you go. Go ahead and give that a taste, see if it's to your liking.
Kirk: Okay. (takes sip, hesitates while he controls his reaction) Perfection.
Lorelai: Good.

(Emily enters the diner)
Lorelai: Eh. Good grief.
Luke: What?
Lorelai: Bad vibe sandwich just came in. You better retreat.

Kirk: (about Luke's uncle) He kicked my dog when I was a kid.
Sy: He hit on my wife repeatedly.
Kirk: Toto was always different after that.
Sy: My wife was much affected as well.

Lorelai: Face it, Luke. People like you.
Luke: Shut up.
Lorelai: And with charm like that, how could they resist.

Lorelai: It's repetitive.
Rory: And redundant.
Lorelai: It's repetitive.
Rory: And redundant.
Lorelai: We certainly are entertaining, Mac.
Rory: Indubitably, Tosh.

Kirk: Hello? How 'bout that coffee?
Lorelai: I got it.
Luke: Thanks.
Kirk: But, but mine's a quarter caf.
Lorelai: Huh?
Kirk: Three-fourths decaf, one-fourth caffeinated.
Lorelai: I four-fourths don't care.
Kirk: Fill it up.

Rory: Where should the poached eggs go?
Luke: Crank in the hat.
Sy: Hey, I'm not a crank! You're a crank, crank!
Rory: He is a crank.

Gilmore Girls Season 2 Quotes

I feel like crap on toast.


Christopher: When Jackson came out holding that kilt man, I felt for him.
Lorelai: I know, so did I.
Christopher: Please, I saw what your face was doing.
Lorelai: What? What was my face doing?
Christopher: It was counting up how many Brigadoon references you could come up with to torture him with at a later date.
Lorelai: How dare you accuse my face of that! My face is calling Gloria Alred when we get home.
Christopher: How many references?
Lorelai: None.
Christhopher: How many?
Lorelai: Twelve, including a few bars of I'll Go Home with Bonnie Jean.