Paris: (passing out binders advertising her idea for a product) The average teenager spends seven hours a day at school. Seven hours where he or she is busy walking from class to class indoors, outdoors, in all types of weather. At the same time, that same teenager is going through major physical changes within his or her own body. The combo of the action with the environment in addition to the hormonal imbalance can only lead to one thing accidents.
Madeline: What are you talking about?
Paris: Monday morning, Muffin wakes up and looks in the mirror. 'Oh no, I have a zit on my face. I'll just look down when I walk so hunky football player won't notice.' And bam Muffin smacks right into the cafeteria wall. Ouch, that's gotta hurt.
Madeline: Who's Muffin?

(Dean on answering machine)
Beep* Hey, it's me. It's 4:00. Call me when you get home.
Beep* Hey, uh, it's 4:30. I'm home. Call me.
Beep* Quarter to 5:00. Hey, where are you? I'll try to page you.
Beep* 5:30. Did you get my page? Call me with the answer. Bye.
Rory: They're not all from him.
Beep* Hey, I totally forgot you were getting home at 6:00.
Lorelai: And yet, oddly, after remembering that information...
Beep* Hey, it's 5:45 and I just thought I'd see if you got home early.
Lorelai: I swear that boy would make a good drinking game.

Paris: Okay, has everyone finished reading?
Louise: Oh, are we reading these now?
Rory: That's why we've all been kind of quiet for the last ten minutes.
Louise: I thought it was like, prayer time or whatever.

She likes Jess, doesn't she?


(Lorelai is sitting on the couch reading as Rory walks through the front door. The phone is ringing)
Lorelai: Agh!
Rory: Hey.
Lorelai: Gah!
Rory: Mom! (answers the phone) Hello? (hangs up) That ringing is not in your head, you know.
Lorelai: Uh, you've gotta read this Motley Crue book. I swear, you get to the point where Ozzy Osbourne snorts a row of ants and you think, it cannot get any grosser, and then you turn the page and oh, hello, yes it can! It's excellent!
Rory: Why didn't you answer the phone?
Lorelai: Because I firmly believe that once you've experienced something five thousand times, you need to move on.
Rory: What are you talking about?
Lorelai: I knew who it was.
Rory: Who was it?
Lorelai: The same person who's called the machine so many times now that I actually heard it sigh.
Rory: Dean?
Lorelai: Dean the determined.
Rory: Oh man.
(phone rings again)
Lorelai: Five bucks says I know who that is.
Rory: (answers the phone) Hello?
Richard: Rory, it's your grandfather.
Rory: Oh, hey Grandpa.
Lorelai: He did that on purpose.

Emily: Next thing I know you'll be saying I need a psychiatrist!
Lorelai: Too many comebacks. I cannot pick.

(At Louie's funeral)
Luke: That ain't me, is it?
Lorelai: What are you talking about?
Luke: What Taylor said about me being like Louie, a loner, never being married and stuff. I mean, I am getting crankier as I get older, he's not so far off.
Lorelai: You are not your uncle. I mean, would Louie ever build someone a chuppah, or help fix things around someone's house without being asked, or make a special coffee cake with balloons for a girl's sixteenth birthday?
Luke: Rory told you about that?
Lorelai: Yes. And would Louie have taken in his sister's kid without hesitating and without asking for anything in return?
Luke: No one would've trusted Louie with their kid. He probably would've forgotten to feed him or something.
Lorelai: You get my point?
Luke: Yeah, I get it.

(Luke's diner)
Emily: Anyhow, it's obvious that wouldn't even be appropriate anymore being as I'm probably standing in your reception hall.
Lorelai: Excuse me?
Emily: Burgers and fries for the dinner? The bride walks down the aisle with a ketchup dispenser in her hand.
Lorelai: Please tell me what you're talking about.
Emily: I'm talking about Luke.
Lorelai: Luke? Mom!
Emily: Well, it's obvious, Lorelai.
Lorelai: No, it's not, Mom.
Emily: You're with him constantly.
Lorelai: He feeds me.
Emily: You bring up his name constantly.
Lorelai: Once again, he feeds me.
Emily: The moment he calls, you run to his side.
Lorelai: He's my friend, he needed me, I had to be there.
Emily: Yes, I know you did.

Luke: Don't you have wakes for people you like?
Lorelai: I think it might be for you.
Luke: Am I dead?
Lorelai: Face it, Luke, people like you.
Luke: Shut up.
Lorelai: And with charm like that, how can they resist?

(After Lorelai and Rory walk into the town meeting late.)
Taylor: You really have to work on your punctuality, Lorelai. I banged the meeting in half an hour ago.
Lorelai: Uh, dirty!

Jess: I'm in the middle of something.
Rory: Just assume that Jeanie is going to get Major Healy out of whatever scrape he's in.
Jess: Gee, thanks for spoiling it for me.

(Emily enters the diner)
Lorelai: Eh. Good grief.
Luke: What?
Lorelai: Bad vibe sandwich just came in. You better retreat.

Gilmore Girls Season 2 Quotes

If eating cake is wrong, I don't want to be right.


I feel like crap on toast.