You call people names all the time. You bully people -- dad, Scott, your friends. You don't think I see that? I'm just learning from the master.

Zooey

JD: I think that you can do your job and be my wife at the same time.
Phoebe: Yeah, well, I think you're being really naive.

Jo: How about you worry about your kid and I worry about mine?
Abby: I am worrying about my kid because your kid is bullying her!
Jo: Bullying? Wow! That's a buzz word.

Jo: OK. My theory is correct. There's a love triangle goin' on.
Abby: Yeah, one that Zooey is on the outside of.
Jo: You don't know that.

Colette: Mike doesn't like chain grabbers.
Abby: Oh yeah, I can't...
Colette: I'm one too. The worst.

Barbara: Sex tape. Makes Kardashian look bush league.
Delia: Or no bush league. HA.

Abby: I always want to hear your life story. I made your life, with my body.
Lilly: Gross.

  • Permalink: Gross.
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Abby: This is fun. I like keeping secrets with you.
Mike: I like a lot of things with you.

Going most of the way but not all is ridiculously sexy.

Abby

Mike: I'll see you at pickup?
Abby: Yeah. Will you be mean to be again in front of other people, because that is so hot.

Coach: You drink soda. I'm shocked.
Abby: Yeah, well I'm sure there's a kale flavor.
Coach: Maybe a small-batch root beer.

Oh no. I'm not gonna pee where I play. No drama here. I'm not a drama mama.

Abby

Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce Quotes

Abby: Well, people know. I can tell. Eric Frank eye-banged me at drop off. He's like a divorce seeking missile.
Lyla: Yeah, well, he finger-banged Marjorie Davis so count yourself lucky.

Abby: You smell like sex.
Jake: Screw you.