Roscoe: The Mayans believed the world would end in 2012.
Marty: Yeah, what do you think?
Roscoe: The Mayans were pretty smart.
Marty: Yeah well you better rest up for the apocalypse then.

Don't kill your moment by making a lot of sounds.


Who cares if Clyde just pledged Sigma Chi. We are on a plane, it's on fire, billowing smoke coming out of the engines. There's a gaping hole in the cabin. People are being sucked out to certain death.


Welcome to the new economy America where only the richest, meanest and smartest will remain.


Can I get an imminent demise?


I know what I'm doing at work, but at home with him I don't have a fucking clue.


If I thought it would grease the wheels, I would run a train on Eyebrows and Ink Stain.


The deterrent aspect of mutually assured destruction is predicated on the assumption that both parties are rational. Now you not being a good person by any stretch are at least a rational individual. I on the other hand, I'm a goddamn terrorist and I will crash my 767 right into your prodigious fucking forehead.


You know what? Maybe I should suck your dick, I've already got your balls in my hand.


Making a great mix CD requires a level of guile and and and whim you could not possibly understand.


A Stella McCartney scoop neck sweater and a nice pair of wide leg slacks. You know what would make it all really fierce? Crocs! I'm just gonna come right out and say it, the movie version of Rent, way better. Nicki Minaj strangles puppies.


Phoebe: Well I coached the hell out of Jeannie and she was the sexiest little kid on that stage.
Clyde: Sexy seems like the wrong word.

House of Lies Season 1 Quotes

Hey Dad, want me to teach you how to Dougie?


That woman can do more in bed than any post-menopausal woman has any right to be able to do.