Our new sleeping arrangement will only bring us closer together. Now get out of my bed.


Barney: I stand by what I did. It was bold and romantic.
Ted: You soiled yourself from both ends of your body.

[after reading his letter] There's just a bunch of drawings of boobs.


Don: Guys, I came to apologize. I overreacted.
Barney: It's okay. We said some very hurtful things.
Don: No you didn't.
Barney: Right, that was after you left.

I must have Robin back.


Lily: I think we should get separate beds.
Marshall: YES! A mini-fridge! And separate beds.

Marshall: We slept for 18 hours.
Lily: We lost four pre-paid meals.
Marshall: I lost 11 pounds.

Ted: You're moving in with him?
Robin: I'm considering it.
Barney: You're considering it? You barely know him! Plus, he's a loser with a dead end job!
Robin: We have the same job.

Barney: So I'm banging this Portuguese contortionist, right, and she's so flexible that at one point she was both on top of me AND underneath me. Up top AND down low! Who needs drinks?
Ted: [to Don] He means well ... actually I'm not sure if that's true.

I didn't know the Jets had new costumes.


Clint: But you have your own sexual memories with your mom, don't you? Exiting her womb, receiving her milk. You get me, don't you.
Ted: Please don't.

Virginia: I can't believe I am with that man.
Ted: Mom, it's okay. You don't have to settle. There are plenty of other-
Virginia: He's so COOL!

How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Quotes

Barney: Barney Stinson is back on the market. Mothers, lock up your daughters. Daughters, lock up your MILSWANCA's.
Marshall: MILSWANCA's?
Ted: Oh wait, I can get this. Mothers I'd Like to Sleep With and Never Call Again
Barney: Correct, circle gets a square

So, funny thing about Willem Dafoe. His name sounds like it's being spoken by a frog, then a parrot. Willem. DA-FOE! Willem. DA-FOE!