Look, people like you. they find you helpful, like duct tape or a trusty socket wrench. I want you to teach me your secret. I want you to show me how to be a tool.

Oh, gosh, I detest cats. Want an animal to stare at you with contempt? Get a cat. Open a bag of excrement in your house. Cat.

Oh, come on, who doesn't love a sex party? Then again, if you're me, every party's a sex party of sorts.

Yes, my first startup was a sex club, actually. Little place called "Eden." Perhaps you've heard of it.

Oh, goody. They come in more colors. There’s only one body part rubber should be worn on.

Hello. My name is Lucifer Morningstar and I… love drugs. Love them! Mmm! Yummy, yummy, yummy. Can’t get enough. And… I’ve got lots of money… mmm, that I love spending on drugs. Not even picky. I’ll do any of them. Mix them together sometimes.

Is everything all right, Detective? You seem distracted. Usually, I get at least a glimmer of a smile from my remarks, the occasional eye roll. I think I got a snort once.

Lucifer: I don't lie, detective.
Chloe: You also don't tell the whole truth.

Going backwards, Lucifer, is not good. For anyone.


Lucifer: Don't make me hurt you. Remember, you're not the angel you once were.
Amenadiel: No, Luci, you're right. I'm not. I just need a little time to process what it all means.
Lucifer: Process? Okay. Fine. I suppose we're in no real rush. Process away. I've got E.T. on the DVR if you need a good weep and a package of Haagen Daz in the freezer if that helps.

Dr. Linda: You scared me! God!
Charlotte: Goddess!

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Vegas and me? Not pretty.