Joe: She's really good 'cause she played varsity.
Owen: Great.
Maria: And I'm a lesbian so...

Bitch stole second.


Don't worry Mr. Joe. I have ten friends we call.


I don't wanna hear this shit my last night with hair.


You do know what the internet is? That place where you re-order your Viagra.

Marcus (to Terry)

You listening Joe? I was just getting to the part about my diarrhea.


Don't you watch him drive away. I got everything you need right here. Watch me walk away.


You can't take away a guy's sale because he's a dick. Otherwise you'd still have zero.


You dug this big ass hole, and you're gonna fill it up.


That was close. Just won a hundred bucks. Woo!


Joe: That's your breakfast? Yogurt?
Lucy: Yogurt is what girls eat, Dad.

Terry: You're Jordan, but when he played for the Wizards.
Marcus: You're Jordan when he played for the White Sox.

Men of a Certain Age Quotes

Manfro: I want my last meal.
Joe: Oh come on.
Manfro: I'm gonna be doing a lot of jokes like that so you better get used to it.

Erin: Old friend? She's not that old.
Terry: Actually she's 58.