Bishop: Courtesy of Facebook, we learned that Dean once sailed across the Pacific. Alone.
McGee: Before that, he summited Mt. Kilimanjaro, also alone.
Torres: A man after my own hear. Except for the mountain climbing and sailing. And, uh, Meat Loaf.
Bishop: Hey, I like Meat Loaf.
Gibbs: Why are we talking about Meat Loaf? We got a theory or not?!

By the power vested in me, I pronounce you husband and wife. [beat] You should smooch.

Jimmy

Quinn: Weddings are weird enough without the extra pressure [of finding a plus-one date].
Torres: Oh, man, I totally agree. I’m right there with you!
Quinn: Besides, it’s way more fun to watch the creepy guys troll the wedding looking for single women to hook up with. You know the type!
Torres [uncomfortable]: Uh, sure… yeah…

Vance: As someone who was also married to a strong, intelligent woman, may I give you some advice, Agent McGee?
McGee: Don’t blow it?
Vance: No. Never take it for granted. Not for one second. And don’t blow it.

Oh, and you think my eighty hours a week at the DOD is for funsies?

Delilah [on being too busy]

Commander, your ship is an active crime scene. The only place it’s going is back to Norfolk!

Gibbs

Chief Choi: Jones’s body, it’s gone!
Jimmy Palmer: This’ll complicate the autopsy

Jimmy Palmer: We just traveled about three hundred miles in 90 minutes!
Gibbs: Felt a lot longer to me!

Tagger: [spraypaints ‘FU’ on a sign, then hears a horse. He turns around to see a mounted police officer.]
Sgt. Dawson: Let me guess -- ‘FUN’? You like this place so much you just had to tell the world. I get it, I like it here, too!
Tagger: [runs away]

McGee: There’s an entire American sub-culture devoted to bone collecting.
Bishop: How do you know that?
Gibbs: He dated Abby!

Torres: Horses are not dogs, man.
Sgt. Dawson: You don’t miss a thing!

Nelson: My carbon footprint is very low.
Gibbs: Aside from smoking like a chimney.
Nelson: That’s the only reason I got busted.
McGee: You lit up in a public place, it’s against the law.
Nelson: Apparently, horses can smell prime kush for miles!