Parks and Recreation Quotes
Leslie: Hey, you're going to jail for a very long time.
Dave: He's not going to go to jail, you know. He's a minor.
Leslie: Well, we'll let the jury decide.
Dave: There's not gonna be a jury. It's a....
Leslie: Then the judge will decide where he goes.
Dave: Look, he's going to do probation. He's a minor.
Leslie: Dave, just let me have this?
Leslie: I believe that you're innocent until proven guilty in this country. That's the cornerstone of democracy.
Andy: Sure.
Leslie: On the other hand. Greg Pikitis is a little punk. And I kind of want to TP his house.
You're the coolest person I've ever met. I even met John Cougar Melloncamp once.
Andy [to Leslie]
Greg's Fake Mom: Do you have any evidence?
Leslie: Yes. Two words. Peach pit. His DNA is all over it I assume.
Dave: We don't know that.
Leslie: We can get it tested....
Dave: We can't.
Leslie: And if it matches your DNA than you're going away for a long time.
Ann, what happened here? Did you tell everyone they're going to have to get a bone marrow transplant tomorrow? They look miserable. This party is a disaster.
Tom
Ann, do you have any Mounds? Because all I can find are Almond Joys. And almonds give me the squirts.
Ron
Leslie: You talk to him first. You have a scary face.
Dave: Hey!
Leslie: No, in a good way. Scary cute.
Leslie [about a peach pit]: This is his ace of spades. This is his calling card. This is what he leaves all his victims. And it's still warm. OK, go arrest him and send this to the lab.
Dave: We don't have a lab.
Leslie: Suspect laughing with friends, and playing with his stupid skateboard in a snide, turdish manner.
Dave: Turdish?
Leslie: Yes. Like a turd. Like a little turd.
I passed up a gay Halloween party to be here. Do you know how much fun gay Halloween parties are? Last year I saw three Jonas brothers make out with three Robert Pattisons. It was amazing.
April
Leslie: Suspect still with friends in parking lot. He looks obnoxious and irritating, even from a great distance.
Dave: Uh, confirmed.
A week ago, I had nothing. Now I have a part-time job, I'm gonna make 32 bucks tonight. I owe Leslie everything I have. Which after tonight will be 39 bucks.
Andy
