Scrubs Season 3 Episode 18: "His Story II" Quotes
Dr. Cox: Well, now, you are looking slim. Are those new scrubs? Or is it the fact you no longer have a soul?
Dr. Miller: What's your problem?
Dr. Cox: Come on, the only reason Kelso wanted you at that dinner is because he knows standing next to a pretty doctor will get his picture in all the medical journals. Assuming his image actually shows up in photographs.
Dr. Miller: Look, you made a mistake. Every one of us has made a mistake. You should consider yourself lucky - instead of losing his arm he'll just have some nerve damage and limited use of his right hand. It could have been a lot worse. If you want I'll even tell him for you.
Turk: He's a concert pianist.
Dr. Miller: Oh. You tell him.
Turk: Are you a good pianist?
Turk's Narration: "Pianist"! Heeheehee!
Bryan: Yeah, I got a scholarship to Juilliard.
Turk: Bry-Bry! You're in the money! Girl's love the artsy type - you'll be getting more tail than you know what to do with.
Bryan: Ohhh, okay.
Turk: "Tail" is sex, Bryan.
Bryan: Ohhh! Awesome!
Dr. Cox: Look, I like you... so here's some advice: Never, ever do anything with Bob Kelso. Don't talk to him, don't look at him, don't even associate with guys his age on the outside chance that they just shared a steam together in that never ending Klan meeting that they call a "country club"; right? He is... pure evil.
Dr. Miller: I'll remember that. Not the crazy "where the hell is he going with this?" ranting, but you know, the gist - the Bob Kelso-bad part.
Turk's Narration: Thank God she thinks that hot chick, Tina, I invited is my cousin! Well guess what! There's no blood there, baby!
Carla: Oh, and by the way, don't think for a second that your "cousin" Tina's gonna be sitting at our table.
Turk's Narraion: Oh, my God! She's in my head! It's okay... Use it to your advantage... Make me a grilled cheese sandwich, woman!
Carla: Make it yourself.
Turk's Narration: Aaaaaaagggghhhh!
J.D.: Hey, research buddy!
Dr. Cox: We're four seconds in and I'm already regretting my decision.
J.D.: Things Jordan says during sex! Ha!
Dr. Cox: Are those the charts I wanted?
J.D.: Noooo. They're the charts you wanted, plus! patient history charts from the last ten years, which yours truly stayed up all night organizing not only chronologically but by severity of condition.
(J.D. drops files)
J.D.: There's a good chance I'm gonna kill someone.
Dr. Cox: Things you say when you talk to your patients.
J.D.: Clever.
J.D.: So you steal my research project, and now you want me to do your dirty work?
Lonnie: Dr. Cox said that if you said that, I'm to say "That's right Melinda!"
Aww don't bother with that Trish, you know I've been getting my hair cut by my barber "Big Frank" for seventeen years now, is it because his prices have remained the same? No, is it because I like the way his man breasts feel gently resting on my shoulders when he does my sideburns? A little, yes, but mainly it's because, unlike you, he does just exactly what I tell him to do. You see, it's either my way or the highway and since you've already broken that dictum, (claps and whistles) you're out!
Dr. Cox
Carla: Christopher!!!
Turk: You only call me "Christopher" when you're mad...or when we're having sex. You're not mad at me when having sex, are you baby?
Carla: Sometimes...maybe.
