Scrubs Season 4 Episode 19: "My Best Laid Plans" Quotes
Janitor: You guys are out. You guys are back in. Where's Margo?
Randall: She's at a Ludacris concert with her birth mom.
Janitor: I lose my van to him, and I lose Margo to gangsta rap. Bad day.
Kylie: I was thinking about how patient you've been with me. How right things feel. And then you showed up and it feels like fate.
J.D.: Wait, are you saying that you're ready? Awesome.
Kylie: First, let me set the mood.
J.D.: And Kylie, you're right. It is fate. Because I was out with this girl tonight that I totally could have had sex with, but it was easy for me to blow her off because I was excited to be with you... Why have you stopped lighting incense? It makes the room smell like Chinese rain.
Kylie: You blew me off tonight to be with some random girl?
J.D.: Well, she's not a random girl. I mean, I had a crush on her long before I met you.
Mr. Peeps: I will kill you!
Carla: So you guys think I'm overreacting about this whole Turk thing?
Elliot: Phone calls from an ex would drive me nuts!
J.D.'s Narration: I knew how to get rid of both of them, but I can't do that to Turk.
He hears a voice from the direction of his pants
Mr. Peeps: If you don't do it, I will.
J.D.: Mr. Peeps? Why are you British?
Mr. Peeps: I'll explain later. Just lose the extra bitches.
Janitor: Sorry guys, I can't go clubbing tonight. Daddy's got a date.
Ted: Aw man! I ironed my going out hair!
I'm going to paint your Porsche mint green so it looks like my van's baby.
Janitor
J.D.(on phone): Hey, Kylie. I was calling to see how your day was going.
Molly: ...this ninety degree cave and sweat would just be dripping off our naked bodies.
J.D.: Naked sweat drips...
Kylie(on phone): What?
J.D.(on phone): Um, nothing, Kylie. It's a new band called the Naked Sweat Drips. They have a great song called Perfect Breasts...
Molly: ...And then I got so flexible I could put my legs behind my head.
Kylie(on phone): J.D., are you there?
Molly: You should come.
Elliot: Oh, frick on a stick. I gotta go. I want to hear the rest of the story, don't forget where you were.
J.D.: Feet up behind her head.
Kylie(on phone): Who has their feet behind their head?
J.D.: A patient, Kylie. Horrible car accident. You gotta wear your seatbelt, I'm telling you. Even around the block.
Carla: Turk. I found your cell phone in the parking lot.
J.D.: Four stories and not a scratch. What are you made of?
Janitor: Um. We should be friends.
Molly: Okay.
Janitor: Do you like vanning?
Molly: I don't know what that is.
Janitor: It's kind of my thing. It's like taking a long drive in a car, only uh... it's in a van.
Molly: I'm still not getting it.
Janitor: Could you hang on for one sec?... She's an idiot.
J.D.'s Narration: *Even though she did the fake forget-my-name thing, she's here for me. I think we all know there's no patient.
Patient: They've landed. Grab some blankets and all the canned goods you can carry. We're moving to the sewers.
Molly: Apparently he's gotten really possessive of me. He won't talk to the new staff psychiatrist.
J.D.: Molly, I'm sure he's not that possessive. (He pats her on the arm)
Patient: Get away from my doctor! (He tackles J.D.)
Damn you, ruptured spleen! To be continued!
Turk
Janitor: How about my van for your Porsche?
Dr. Cox: I suppose when I win I could destroy your vehicle and make you watch, couldn't I? Bet.
Carla: You've been talking to this girl you used to sleep with, and you never told her you were married?
Turk: She never asked?
