Ted: Trust me. The way I got my girlfriend in junior high was by getting her best friend to like me.
Janitor: And how'd you do that?
Ted: I posed as her dad so she could rent a car. I lost my hair in eighth grade.
Todd: Tough break five.

Todd: So once you've got the hole at the bottom of the popcorn box, it's
basically just a waiting game.
Doug: And for the record, that technique does not work with hot nachos.

Turk: Dude, it's been a month.
J.D.: Oh really Turk? Has it been a month? Because time just flies when you're dry humping your way through three pairs of cords.
Turk: Look. Kylie hasn't slept with you so what she's saying is that she doesn't want to be exclusive. Is she dating?
J.D.: She did go to a movie with her brother-in-law.
Turk: That's perfect. Dude, you can have your cake and eat it too. It's like me talking with my old girlfriend. It boosts my self esteem and I take all of this positive energy back to Carla. Now this is what you do: you go out with Molly and have a great time while she's in town. But once she leaves, you go to Kylie and you tell her you want to get your exclusive on.

Turk: Dude, you're pretty horny for a guy who claims to be getting it on a nightly basis.
J.D.: What are you implying?
Turk: Let's just say a little birdie told me that you and Kylie haven't slept together.
J.D.: Who?
Turk: Nurse Birdie.
Nurse Birdie: Well, you haven't.
J.D.: I trusted you!

Molly: So, you seeing anyone?
Elliot: I went on a few dates with a guy named Rick, but then he met my mom
and it all fell apart.
Molly: She didn't like him?
Elliot: No, she loved him. They're in Aruba.

Dr. Cox: Unlike you, Bobbo, Gandhi here is in a healthy relationship. I mean, come on, lookit. Even Jordan lets me keep in touch with women from my past. Give me a pound, my dawg.
Turk: He gets me.
Dr. Cox: Give me a pound, dawg.
Dr. Kelso: Does he know you were being sarcastic?
Dr. Cox: I hope not.
Dr. Kelso: Splendid.

Turk: We're just friends!
Dr. Kelso: Ahhh, just friends... I was just friends once with a Vietnamese girl. Long story short, I'm on the hook for sending Trong Tree Kelso to college and he doesn't want to go to a state school.

I'm on a break here, Newbie. Just tell your shiny headed roommate if he doesn't shut up his first surgery tomorrow will be removing that cell phone from his own ass.

Dr. Cox

Molly: How you doing, J.J.?
J.D.: That's J.D.
Molly: Oh, right. I was just thinking of that Jimmy Walker sitcom.
J.D.: Good Times?
Molly: Not great, my sister had a miscarriage.

Turk: Alright. Give me all the details on Kylie.
J.D.: Dude it was so naughty. We're kissing, right, and she's like "I think it's a little hot in here" and starts pulling down her skirt.
J.D.'s Narration: Oh my God, I'm getting turned on by my own fake story!

Janitor: You know, I don't really appreciate you messing with my lady.
Dr. Cox: Your lady?
Janitor: Blonde Doctor and I are going to end up together. I'm talking the whole shebang. House in the 'burbs, Volvo in the driveway, dogfighting ring in the basement.
Dr. Cox: I guess it wouldn't be the first time the janitor got the girl. Oh, wait a minute... Yes it would.
Janitor: You want to place a wager?
Dr. Cox: I do. But here I really have no need for a cracked thermos and two pounds of keys.

Turk! If you can't remember to put the cap on the toothpaste how are
we going to raise our children? You know what? I'm going to stay with my


Scrubs Season 4 Episode 19 Quotes

Janitor: You guys are out. You guys are back in. Where's Margo?
Randall: She's at a Ludacris concert with her birth mom.
Janitor: I lose my van to him, and I lose Margo to gangsta rap. Bad day.

Carla: You've been talking to this girl you used to sleep with, and you never told her you were married?
Turk: She never asked?