Scrubs Season 4 Episode 23: "My Faith in Humanity" Quotes
Jake: Hey, Elliot.
Elliot: Mm.
Jake: So that girl's kinda cute, what's her story?
J.D.: She's a dude.
Jake: Nuh-uh.
J.D.: Gotta look at the Adam's apple, buddy.
J.D.'s Narration: Even though I had created a super medical crime-fighting team, I felt lousy. See, I had just told Betty that her lungs had finally given out and she wasn't gonna leave the hospital this time.
Betty: So... what are my choices?
J.D.: Well, we could put you on a breathing machine, but it's unlikely you'd ever come off of it. Or I could just make sure you're as comfortable as possible.
J.D.'s Narration: "As comfortable as possible." I've said that a million times and I still have no idea what it means.
Dr. Turner: But Hooch, if the patient just has simple cellulitis, why aren't the antibiotics working?
Hooch: Dammit, Turner! It just doesn't make sense!
Therapist: Chris. What's going on with you?
Turk: Nothing worth talking about.
Therapist: This is your third visit, and you've yet to say anything real about how you're feeling.
Turk: That's because I don't think there's anything wrong with our relationship.
Therapist: I think you pretend that everything's okay even though, deep down inside, a lot of things are bothering you. So, come on, tell me what you're thinking right now.
Turk: I'm staring at that picture above your head. Yeah, now, is that one of those psychological ink-blot tests where I try and figure out what it is? Because if so, I'm seeing a duck.
(There's a large photo of a duck)
Carla: Anyway, I worry that sometimes when I'm tense, I could be a little condescending.
Therapist: Actually, I've noticed that.
Carla: Have you really noticed it, "Mr. Therapist"?
Ow! Some people just cannot take a good "your mom's dead" joke, you know?
Elliot
Elliot: I just wish once a cute, thoughtful guy would walk through the door.
Jake: Hi. I need some help. My neighbor fainted and she doesn't like ambulances, so I brought her in myself.
Elliot: Let me take this one, Jenny, you've got a phone call.
Jenny: Uh, I'll call them back.
Elliot: Your mom died.
Jenny: WHAT?!
Elliot: Her mom's fine. It's just a little running joke we have. She'll be laughing later. Got you, Jenny! Dead mom jokes - always funny. Heh.
Elliot: She just got engaged. Bad comb-over and all!
Carla: When Clarissa beats you to the altar, it might be time to hang up the ovaries.
Elliot: Too mean!
J.D.'s Narration: Thankfully, Turk had gotten over the whole kissing incident. Still, there's a weird new thing he does whenever he says goodbye.
Turk: Okay, I'll see you around.
(He socks J.D. in the arm hard)
J.D.: Agh!... Peace, homey!
J.D.'s Narration: As much as Hooch loved us, it was even better to see Turk happy. See, he and Carla had recently started couples therapy, and I'm not sure he was enjoying it.
Flashback
Therapist: Carla says you cry after you orgasm. Would you like to talk about that?
Turk: No, not really.
Dr. Cox: Barbie. Go get him! I... believe in you?
Elliot: Nnnno, you don't. You just want me to go and embarrass myself so you can laugh at me! Just like the time you told me the hospital fund-raiser was a costume party! I walked into a black-tie dinner dressed as Clarence Thomas...
Dr. Cox: I was in a costume, too.
Elliot: You wore an Armani tux.
Dr. Cox: I went as someone who doesn't make a fool out of himself. How'd you not get that?
Lady: I can't believe that six young men stopped to help an old lady change a tire!
J.D.: And don't you forget who put that tire on and tightened those lugnuts, Martha! Okay, sweetie, have fun at the swap-meet! Drive safe.
J.D.'s Narration: Yep. It sure feels good to do the right thing.
J.D.: Righty loosey, lefty tighty.
J.D.'s Narration: Oh, "righty tighty! lefty loosey!" Ohhhh, man. It still feels good.
