Scrubs Season 4 Episode 23: "My Faith in Humanity" Quotes
J.D.: Keep it light! Open with a joke, and before you know it you and your raft will be on a four-hour trip to New Zealand!
Jake: No, it's more like fourteen hours.
J.D.'s Narration: Oh no. You're dangerously close to revealing that geography is your Achilles heel. Say something smart to regain credibility.
J.D.: Vasovagal syncope is mediated by the autonomic nervous system. And Betty needs you, pal. She does! Come on, do it. You'll feel good, trust me.
Jake: Trust you? You don't even know where New Zealand is.
J.D.: You can dance your way there from Old Zealand.
J.D.: She just wants to talk to you for a minute.
Jake: Yeah? About what?
J.D.: Just about how and when she should die.
Jake: Oh, that's not a problem. I counsel most of my random neighbors on their deathbeds.
Carla: That's the worst advice I've ever heard!
Dr. Cox: Good point, Carla. Say, you don't happen to have any other gems you wanna lay on us before you run off to couples therapy to sift through the wreckage that is the first year of your marriage, do ya?
Hat's off, there, Barbie. That was one potent combination of verbal diarrhea and stunned silence.
Dr. Cox
Elliot: Hey, Jake. Heh. So, uh, you're probably rushing home to wipe the old person smell off before your trip, huh?
Jake: Excuse me?
Elliot: No, I'm just kidding. I love old people. Still, there's no denying they have a distinctive smell. I mean, it's nothing bad, it's like a...general mustiness... Like, you know, when you get your cast taken off and...skin mold....
Betty: Is Dr. Reid coming back?
J.D.: Oh, don't worry about her, Betty, you're in good hands with Dr. Dorian.
Betty: Who's that?
J.D.: That's me! Betty, Dr. Dorian. Cocoon. Wilford Brimley. Steve Guttenberg. The whole day. No?
Jake: If everything's all right here, I'm kind of on my way to the airport. I'm going kayaking with some friends in New Zealand.
Elliot: Cool! So, what are you gonna do there?
Jake: Mostly kayaking.
J.D.: So, Betty, you're back with us. And I see you brought a young, handsome buck with ya. What are you, trying to make me jealous? You know you're my gal!
Betty: Who are you?
J.D.: I'm Dr. Dorian. Uh, I'm the one that's taken care of you the last nineteen times you've been in here. She's getting a little forgetful - you know how that happens. Are you a relative?
Jake: Uh, no, neighbor. I only met her once.
Betty: It was raining, and you were wearing a blue sweater!
J.D.: That's a lovely memory, Betty. You know what else is a lovely memory - that Sunday I spent eight hours helping you join the Wilford Brimley fan club. You don't remember that, do ya.
Todd: Nurse, suction.
Nurse: The patient's not even here yet.
Todd: I know.
Elliot: Uh, do you guys think that Clarissa is more attractive than me?
Dr. Cox: Yes...who's Clarissa?
Elliot: She's the short, balding woman in the pharmacy.
Dr. Cox: Oh, then definitely yes.
J.D.'s Narration: Still, finding an apartment has not been easy.
J.D.: I'm so sorry about your father. I'm sure he lived a wonderful life at... 14 Maple Drive, Apartment 4B. Was he lucky enough to enjoy a washer and dryer in his unit while he was alive?... Ever mention any hot neighbors?
Hooch: Everyone hates you guys.
J.D.: Oh, Hooch!
Turk: Hooch is crazy!
