I would like to make a special mention of one intern here, John Dorian. Smart kid, he's extremely confident and his enthusiasm and his determination to always be better is something. I see in him twenty-four hours a day. He cares, probably cares too much, but he's definately somebody you don't wanna loose. Now if you have any questions, well I could give a crap I'm going home, you all get paid too much for doing nothin' anyway

Dr. Cox [to the hospital board]

Turk: Yeah, Dr. Kelso, um 'bout these posters, they're kinda makin' me uncomfortable.
Dr. Kelso: Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't realize you felt that way. Well here's what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna leave them up.
Turk: I can live with that, or I can sue you.
[both laugh]
Dr. Kelso: Dr. Turk, you are an employee here. I can advertise however I wish. I can use your image, your name, I can manufacture tiny-little Dr. Turk action figures. It'll cost twelve-ninty-five and when you pull the string it'll say "I don't like these posters of me!" Isn't that right Ted?
Ted: Oh definately sir. Of course you'd certainly be vulnerable from a legal stand-point.
Dr. Kelso: How vulnerable?
Ted: Sir, that lawsuit would be over so quickly, I'd advise you to bring cab fare to the courthouse since Doctor Turk would be driving your beamer home to his place

Dr. Cox: Look Doogie, I'm up to my cha-chas in busy-work so I'm gonna go head take a rain-check on your report card - just have you do it yourself.
J.D.: You didn't even fill out my name.
Dr. Cox: Well now I think its John or Jimmy or "Jeh" or "Mmh" - oh gosh its in the j-family, but if you get trouble just ask the nurses for help

Listen Super Girl, I'm gonna break you down into so many little pieces that my grandmother, who can do a thousand piece puzzle of clear blue sky in less than an hour will never be able to finish putting you back together again, even if she does go back in time to when her vision was perfect

Dr. Cox [to J.D.]

J.D.: Holy inferiority complex Batman! How low is my self esteem that I'm the sidekick in my own fantasy?
Turk: It could be worse. You could be Alfred the butler.
J.D.: Damn you, sir

Elliot: Ooh, someone's a cradle-robber!
Patricia: Darryl's my son.
Elliot: Oh, come on, the only way he could be your son is if you had him when you were, like, fifteen.
Patricia: Fourteen.
Elliot: Oh... I was close

Carla: You're such a guy. You can't even begin to understand something this deep on any kind of real emotional level.
J.D.: Hey, Turk. Look, I'm really sorry about the whole poster thing. It was racially insensitive of me; I should have been more aware of your feelings before I went ahead and spoke for you.
Turk: It's okay, your intentions were good, and there's never been an issue of race between us. Since the day I met you, you've been nothing but a friend to me.
J.D.: I love you, man.
Turk: Hit me one.
J.D.: Keep it real!
Turk: Yeah, we've got some things to work out, but, we'll get there... we'll get there

Dr. Cox: It's time. Sit down. Now what do you want me to say? That you're great? That you're raising the bar for interns everywhere?
J.D.: I'm cool with that.
Dr. Cox: Well I'm not gonna say that. You're okay. You might be better than that someday, but right now all I see is a guy who's so worried about what everybody else thinks of him that he has no real belief in himself. I mean, did you even wonder why I told you to do your own evaluation?
J.D.: I can't think of a safe answer, I just figured...
Dr. Cox: Clam up! I wanted you to think about yourself, and I mean really think. What are you good at? What do you suck at? And then I want you to put it down on paper. And not so I could see it, and not so somebody else could see it, but so you could see it. Because ultimately, you don't have to answer to me, and you don't have to answer to Kelso...you don't even have to answer to your patients, for God's sake! You only have to answer to one guy, newbie, and that's you! There. You are...evaluated. [tosses evaluation to J.D.] Now get the hell out of my sight. You honest to God get me so angry I'm afraid I just might hurt myself

J.D.'s Narration: One of the best things about my friendship with Turk is that we're always challenging each other to try new things.
J.D.: I can't believe we're going to a strip club for lunch.
Turk: Oh, don't even think about it that way. This is just a nice place to buy a burger that's a short, convenient two-and-a-half-mile walk away from the hospital

Reporter: Excuse me, are you gentleman visiting the club?
Turk: No!... We're here protesting.
J.D.: I'm worried about the kids.
Reporter: So what's that in your pocket?
J.D.: Oh, this is just, um, it's thirty-eight dollars in singles... I-I bought a newspaper, and this is the change from my forty

Elliot: Who cares? It's only a grade.
J.D.: Really, what'd you get?
Elliot: An A-plus. But, then I turned on the water-works and the resident changed it to an A-plus-plus.
J.D.: It's a proud day for women everywhere

Carla: Before you deny that you like looking at strange naked women - again - I should remind you that when you stay at my place, it's not a hotel; the movie titles do come up on the bill.
Turk: I'm sticking with we were protesting...J.D.?
J.D.: Outraged and disgusted

Scrubs Season 1 Episode 8 Quotes

Turk: You know, you're gonna have to see her eventually.
Carla: No I don't, 'cause I know the layout to the air-duct system here like the back of my hand

Carla: Elliot, there's no excuse for what I did.
Elliot: No, there's not... Are we done?
Carla: I'm really sorry.
Elliot: Don't be. If I was going out with my friend, I wouldn't invite you... Who am I kidding. Yes, I would, and she'd probably like you better and neither one of you would ever talk to me again