J.D.: I mean the kid thinks he's Evil Kenevil.
Dr. Cox: Oh gosh Martha, I'd love to attend your safety camp this summer , I would, but here my parents are making me go to Maine with them. So what do you say you take a lot of pictures so when you get back we can both sit down and put together our friends forever collage. Come on now, the kid's sixteen years old, he's a little busted up, it's not that big a deal. I mean hell when you were a kid you musta cut your hand on your doll house.

Dr. Cox: There is no one that I hate more than that Medusa. She is everything that's wrong with medicine and even knowing she's in the hospital makes me wanna tear someone's head off.
Elliot: Doctor Cox! Is this a good time, cause I just have a teeny, teeny, weeny little question about Mrs. Com's necrotizing fasciitis.
Dr. Cox: For you barbie, anything.
Elliot: Super!
Dr. Cox: But first an interesting sidenote. I actually had my physical last week and while my cholestorol was low, my blood pressure was through the roof. Needless to say, my physican was stumped, but now thank God, you helped to solve that riddle. You see because the very instant I heard your shrill voice whining about a teeny, weeny problem, aww it took every ounce of self-restraint I had to keep blood from shooting out my ears.
Elliot: Doesn't it seem like in the time it took you to say all of that you coulda just helped me out instead?
Dr. Cox: Well yes it does, but here that's what makes it delicious.

Julie: Plomox is the most effective antiarrhythmic drug on the market right now and it has minimal side effects. Only nausea, impotence and anal leakage.
Dr. Cox: I'm getting two out of three just from the conversation.

J.D.: Hey, Elliot, I'm...I'm sorry that I was such a jerk before. But, hey, I got mine...right? Anyway, thanks for being classier than I am and not rubbing it in my face.
Elliot: No problem. Hey... You never told me that you're part Native American.
J.D.: What are you talking about?
Elliot: Aren't you a member of the 'Waitansee' tribe?

Janitor: Permission to speak, sir?
J.D.: You know what, no. No, you may not speak - not now, and not ever, okay? You have overplayed your hand and you may never talk to me again. Those are the rules of the game.
Janitor: Then I quit.
J.D.: No, no, no, no! No quitsies! Check-mate, Gin, and Yahtzee, my friend.
Janitor: You know, my son used to love to play Yahtzee with me, until you made me skip his play. Now he won't eat!
J.D.: We've started a new game now, haven't we.
Janitor: Yeah. It's called, You don't eat until Timmy does.

Turk: Hey, cutie! What's your name?
Carla: I'm Carla, I'm your girlfriend, and as much as I usually love it, I really don't have time to play that game where we pretend we never met, okay?
Turk: Carla's a pretty name.

Todd: Why won't any women talk to me?
Nurse: Because you're slimy. And you turn everything into a double entendre.
Todd: Not true!
Turk: Go ahead.
Todd: I'd like to double her entendre!

Elliot: I can't figure out what to do about Mrs. Kahn. I don't know if I should send her to surgery?
J.D.: Well, don't send her to surgery. I'll tell you what you do: You wait and see. And I know I'm right, 'cause I'm a "wait and see" kind of guy. You know, Elliot, in modern medicine, we're faced with tough decisions almost every day-
Elliot: You are amazing!
J.D.: Well, amazing is sort of a strong word... I just show up and let the Lord work through me.

J.D.: Dr. Cox, I hate to bring it up again, but it seems important... Julie likes our tushies.
Dr. Cox: Newbie, any doctor with even a shred of self-respect wouldn't give that woman the time of day.
Dr. Kelso: Oh, Julie!
Dr. Cox: Well, well. If it isn't the Captain and Tennille of the underworld.

Carla: Why would you get me a present?
Turk: Why does it need to be a birthday or an anniversary for me to get my baby a little somesing-somesing.
Carla: Ahhh. Plus, you figure you'd get yourself a little at work "somesing-somesing."
Turk: I'll get the door!

Turk: That's not all! You'll use that bus pass for an all expense paid trip to... Nurse Practitioner School! Where you'll learn how to be more than just a nurse!
Carla: "Just" a nurse?
Turk: Did I say "just a nurse"? I meant "a nurse"! Honey, you were complaining about having to ask Dr. Wilder for permission just to feed a patient. And this way, you'll have more responsibility, plus you'll make more money; so, I thought that-
Carla: You thought that the only reason I've been doing my job for the last eight years is because someone didn't come along to hand me a brochure?
Turk: And a bus pass?

Elliot: J.D., look, even though I decided to send Mrs. Kahn to surgery, I know that you were just trying to help me in your own...sucky way. And... I over-reacted, and that's something I've been working on in therapy to not do as much.
J.D.: But, I still think you should have gone with my "wait and see" approach.
Elliot: Well, you're not the boss of me!

Scrubs Season 2 Episode 7 Quotes

J.D.: You see that nurse over there? I love her. Every night at 10:30 for the last year, I've watched her come in here and get a cup of coffee. And not once have I had the courage to even ask her her name.
Elliot: Well, if it makes you feel any better, she has a snaggletooth.

Mike: Dude, you're gonna love this!
J.D.: I don't wanna do it.
Elliot: Come on, what's the worst that could happen?
J.D.: We could die!
Elliot: Okay, the second worst?