I'm not what you call a winner... sure I'm a lawyer but that's only becaus I took the bar exam in Alaska and they only have like four laws and most of them are when you can and cannot kill... seals.

Ted

• Permalink: I'm not what you call a winner... sure I'm a lawyer but that's o...
• Added: February 04, 2009

[after stapling clothes to the wall in the form of a person...]
Jack: Hey guys, I finally got a brother!
Cox: He's either a genius or an idiot

• Permalink: Hey guys, I finally got a brother! He's either a genius or an ...
• Added: February 04, 2009

Jack [to J.D.'s baby]: Janus, you are one ugly baby, seriously
J.D: Did you actually teach your son to be mean to a baby?
Cox: Not just any baby, but your baby. Come here Jacky boy, you're going to get ten thousand jelly beans, I love you so much
J.D. They can both be so mean

• Permalink: Janus, you are one ugly baby, seriously Did you actually teach...
• Added: February 04, 2009

J.D.: We found you in the park throwing rocks at old couples...
Ted: Why should they be happy!?

• Permalink: We found you in the park throwing rocks at old couples... Why ...
• Added: February 04, 2009