Scrubs Season 1 Episode 2: "My Mentor" Quotes
J.D.'s narration: I never really know what to say to Turk's stupid surgery buddies. But I'm getting better.
J.D.: So...how's surgery?
Todd: It rocks...but my bedroom, that's where I really operate! Am I right? Come on, show Todd some love!
J.D.'s narration: I hate showing Todd love
Turk: I'm thinking about asking Carla out today. What do you think?
J.D.: I think the janitor's out to get me.
Turk: Wow. Thank you so much for your help. You know what? Why don't you be just a little bit more paranoid?
Elliot: Uh, Dr. Kelso! You're the Chief of Medicine, is there a special way to communicate with the nursing staff that I'm not getting?
Dr. Kelso: Well, uh, sugar won't work because they're already so sweet. Now, listen Dr...Whatever-the-hell-your-name-is, you tattled yesterday, I responded - I feel closer to you than ever, really - but the ramifications are yours. So don't try to drag me into your pathetic, whiny, little squabble with that God-awful bunch of malcontents. I hope you all kill each other! Have a great day, ladies
J.D.: Dr. Cox; I got, uh, Will's CT results back. No cancer! So, uh, what should I tell him?
Dr. Cox: I'd open with that
Turk: I'm nervous, man. Why am I nervous?
Todd: Todd's your wing-man, buddy. I will not leave your side. Hey, baby.
Carla: Keep moving, frat boy.
Todd: You got it
Carla: Come on. Out with it.
Turk: Don't rush me! I mean...you shouldn't be impatient with what I think is the opportunity of a lifetime.
Carla: Mmm. Okay, so I'm gonna go sit down because, you're so sexy, my knees are weak.
Turk: Really
J.D.: Oh, Dr. Cox, I know I'm being annoying. But I-I'm really getting used to talking to patients. I mean, this is why I became a doctor; right? Right?
Dr. Cox: I heard "I know I'm being annoying," and then...white noise
Oh, this woman is just fantastic. I mean, the breasts are probably fake, but, by God, those tears are real!
Dr. Cox
Elliot: Look, Turk, I know that I don't always make the best first impression...or second, for that matter. Anyway, I'd like us to be friends, and I thought, you know, maybe I could get to know you a bit better...see what you're about, uh, for instance, when did you meet Morgan Freeman?
Turk: That's my mom.
Elliot: ...I like her freckles
Turk: I'm telling ya, Kelso didn't even ask, and she gave you full credit.
Carla: I don't care. Too little, too late. Plus, I know why you're really here. So, I'm gonna park myself right here in the "V.I.P. section," so you can give me what'cha got.
Turk: I was gonna tell you how I busted J.D.'s chops the other day for wanting to be friends with a girl. And now I find it so amazing to see how strong you are, how well you carry yourself, how I'd give anything just to wake up in the morning and watch you read the paper. But instead, I think you should hop off your broom for a second, try and remember what it was like when you first started here, and give Elliot a break. Because she may be a chore, but she is a good person. Your ass looks especially fine today.
Carla: Pick me up tomorrow at seven.
Turk: She's not the only one that can do a speech. I can do a speech
Turk [referring to Elliot]: Hey, dude, why is she here all the time?
J.D.: God! Just give her a chance, man.
Turk: Oh! You want to hit that.
J.D.: No!
Turk: Yeah!
J.D.: She's just a friend. I think it's healthy, hanging out with a girl without the ultimate goal being sex. You know?
Turk: I'm not following
Turk [about Carla]: I'm not really interested in her.
Todd: Yeah? Then maybe the Todd'll show that little biscuit some love.
[Turk stars down Todd]
J.D.'s narration: Maybe he's a little interested.
Todd: Fine. Todd'll show himself some love